I've been feeling very withdrawn this holiday season. Actually, it's been more like months. It's hard for me to feel comfortable in social situations when I'm unsure of who I am and what I'm doing.
Casual questions like, "So, how are things going?" can throw me for a loop. How are things going? Woah.
I really need to lighten up.
To that end, I thought about Christmas one year ago: Dumpling slaving away at his failing restaurant. Me, pet setting in a filthy apartment, feeling sorry for myself and angry at the world. And no heat at home, either! Oh, Tamara, you do get yourself into some interesting situations. I am so thankful I can laugh now about all the crummy times last year!
This Christmas, things are about a million times better. Dumpling is working at an extremely successful new restaurant in the LES. And tonight I'm at home with my laptop, reading through the messy notes and bursts of inspiration I've typed and hand-written over the last couple of days. I'm not quite ready to share specifics, but it's what I blogged about last time, and it's going to be something cool!
As the bible says:
There is a time to reap;
A time to sow;
A time to party;
And a time to stay home.
Or something like that.
Soon I'll be super excited to go to parties and dinners out and karaoke nights--not only because I'll have something I feel passionate about and want to share with everyone, but because the closer I get to determining and articulating exactly how I want to engage with the world, the more comfortable I feel. More comfortable in my own skin, in my relationships, and in my reaping hat and party pants.
My Christmas wish for everyone: May the expectations of others fly away like the down of a thistle, and may your own visions of sugarplums inspire you to spend your holiday in whatever way pleases you most.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Believe Me: Telling Your Story
Several weeks ago I was contacted by the folks organizing the Storytelling Summit, inviting me to participate and blog about it. It was all about personal and professional reinvention.
I didn't participate or write about it at all, and now it's over. I think this theme was too painfully apt for me to acknowledge at first, but now I feel I have no choice! Reinvent or perish!
I've been hating on resumes for so long now. The traditional resume/cover letter combo is just not doing it for me. Reading job listings and taking random stabs at things has resulted in some interesting experiences, but little fulfillment. I've decided to completely reinvent the job hunt. My experience, aptitudes, and aspirations cannot be effectively shared with the world using a resume. And I know that this must be true for many others as well! I'm going to create a website in order to gain clarity and connect with the people and circumstances that are right for my life at this time. Rather than "job seeking" or "job hunting" I will be conceiving of and creating a living for myself.
I feel like the way I've always approached job hunting is like half browsing, half begging. I'd read the job listings like an unappetizing dinner menu, considering each one in turn and trying to quell the nausea. Then I'd make a bid on the most palatable selection. ('Dear Sir or Madam, I'd be pleased to be considered for the position of chair-warmer in your fluorescent light department...') The bid would then be accepted or rejected. And I would feel disappointed either way.
This is a very slow and sad way to go about it! Trust me!
To me, a resume is an outdated, incomplete way of telling your story. I want to create a comprehensive, inspired, dynamic and concise way to show the world what I've done, what I have to offer, and what excites me. I really believe that if I do this authentically and to the best of my abilities, I can attract the ideal circumstances and people into my life and finally live up to my potential. Ideally during this process I will discover some universal truths and techniques that will help other people who are feeling the same way.
Since a resume is basically a way of telling the story of one's work life, I'm going to start by reading the storytelling manifesto which was provided as a free download (e-book) by the creators of the Storytelling Summit. It is still available at the Believe Me website as a .pdf.
I'll let you know what I think of it, and I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!
I didn't participate or write about it at all, and now it's over. I think this theme was too painfully apt for me to acknowledge at first, but now I feel I have no choice! Reinvent or perish!
I've been hating on resumes for so long now. The traditional resume/cover letter combo is just not doing it for me. Reading job listings and taking random stabs at things has resulted in some interesting experiences, but little fulfillment. I've decided to completely reinvent the job hunt. My experience, aptitudes, and aspirations cannot be effectively shared with the world using a resume. And I know that this must be true for many others as well! I'm going to create a website in order to gain clarity and connect with the people and circumstances that are right for my life at this time. Rather than "job seeking" or "job hunting" I will be conceiving of and creating a living for myself.
I feel like the way I've always approached job hunting is like half browsing, half begging. I'd read the job listings like an unappetizing dinner menu, considering each one in turn and trying to quell the nausea. Then I'd make a bid on the most palatable selection. ('Dear Sir or Madam, I'd be pleased to be considered for the position of chair-warmer in your fluorescent light department...') The bid would then be accepted or rejected. And I would feel disappointed either way.
This is a very slow and sad way to go about it! Trust me!
To me, a resume is an outdated, incomplete way of telling your story. I want to create a comprehensive, inspired, dynamic and concise way to show the world what I've done, what I have to offer, and what excites me. I really believe that if I do this authentically and to the best of my abilities, I can attract the ideal circumstances and people into my life and finally live up to my potential. Ideally during this process I will discover some universal truths and techniques that will help other people who are feeling the same way.
Since a resume is basically a way of telling the story of one's work life, I'm going to start by reading the storytelling manifesto which was provided as a free download (e-book) by the creators of the Storytelling Summit. It is still available at the Believe Me website as a .pdf.
I'll let you know what I think of it, and I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!
My Crazy Heat Story
Earlier this winter our apartment was freezing cold. The radiators were rarely on, and it seemed like they never got warmer than my laptop. I slept in leggings, sweatpants, socks, a shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, and a hat. I hated taking my socks off to do yoga. Getting out of the shower was agony. It was just too damn cold.
I called the landlady once and asked her to please check and make sure the heat was on. She said she would, but nothing changed. A few days later Dumpling got fed up and called her. She said she was out running errands but promised to check when she got back. Nothing changed. This is what happened last year. We were freezing cold all last year too. We called a few times, figured it was just a "cold building," and sucked it up. Dumpling was away at the restaurant all the time anyway. And I was preoccupied with a particularly miserable stage of this bizarre early-mid-life-crisis I've been enjoying for the last eighteen months or so. I resigned myself to another cold winter.
The more things change, the more things stay the same. Dumpling is away at another restaurant all the time now. He has a new job at a hawt new place and it's going really well. I'm happy for him. She said through gritted teeth. Nope, not jealous at all. This winter, instead of walking dogs I'm tending bar. Good thing I have experience handling animals. Ba-dum bum.
But something is different this time around. One morning I woke up with a cold nose, gasped when I came out from under the covers, and got goosebumps all over my ass cheeks from the freezing cold toilet seat. I came out of the bathroom and I said, "This isn't right! It's too damn cold, damn it!"
I decided I didn't care how many phone calls it took, I was not going to live like this anymore! I called the landlady again. She said she would take a look at the boiler room right away (she lives in the building). A few minutes later she knocked on our door. Dumpling was still asleep and I had been washing dishes. I invited her in and she went straight to the nearest radiator in the kitchen and put her hand on it.
"It's not on at all!" she said.
"I know," I said.
"It's supposed to be hot!"
"That would be great!"
We repeated this five more times. There is a radiator in the kitchen, living room, bedroom, office, and a small one in each bathroom. We have six heat sources and two bathrooms. How decadent! I love it.
Anyway, she was horrified that none of the radiators were hot, and she pulled out this little tool and turned something on the side of one, and all this air came hissing out. She repeated this five more times. This is why we had had no heat:
We first saw our apartment in March, and it was vacant at that time. The radiators were turned off when we moved in in April, but we had no idea. It never occurred to us. It was chilly in the apartment, but spring was coming and soon we forgot about it. Then we had the first cold winter. It wasn't until this second winter that I was assertive enough to get to the bottom of it. Imagine that! No heat whatsoever for an entire winter! I mean, sometimes the radiators would get warm, but never hot. Now they are hot all the time! It is a comfortable temperature all the time, and I have never appreciated it so much in my life.
Our very sweet landlady was appalled that we had not had heat since we moved in, and she kept apologizing and I kept saying, "It's all right; you didn't know." I'm thankful that I have a good relationship with my landlady. It's an important quality-of-life factor. Like having heat!
I called the landlady once and asked her to please check and make sure the heat was on. She said she would, but nothing changed. A few days later Dumpling got fed up and called her. She said she was out running errands but promised to check when she got back. Nothing changed. This is what happened last year. We were freezing cold all last year too. We called a few times, figured it was just a "cold building," and sucked it up. Dumpling was away at the restaurant all the time anyway. And I was preoccupied with a particularly miserable stage of this bizarre early-mid-life-crisis I've been enjoying for the last eighteen months or so. I resigned myself to another cold winter.
The more things change, the more things stay the same. Dumpling is away at another restaurant all the time now. He has a new job at a hawt new place and it's going really well. I'm happy for him. She said through gritted teeth. Nope, not jealous at all. This winter, instead of walking dogs I'm tending bar. Good thing I have experience handling animals. Ba-dum bum.
But something is different this time around. One morning I woke up with a cold nose, gasped when I came out from under the covers, and got goosebumps all over my ass cheeks from the freezing cold toilet seat. I came out of the bathroom and I said, "This isn't right! It's too damn cold, damn it!"
I decided I didn't care how many phone calls it took, I was not going to live like this anymore! I called the landlady again. She said she would take a look at the boiler room right away (she lives in the building). A few minutes later she knocked on our door. Dumpling was still asleep and I had been washing dishes. I invited her in and she went straight to the nearest radiator in the kitchen and put her hand on it.
"It's not on at all!" she said.
"I know," I said.
"It's supposed to be hot!"
"That would be great!"
We repeated this five more times. There is a radiator in the kitchen, living room, bedroom, office, and a small one in each bathroom. We have six heat sources and two bathrooms. How decadent! I love it.
Anyway, she was horrified that none of the radiators were hot, and she pulled out this little tool and turned something on the side of one, and all this air came hissing out. She repeated this five more times. This is why we had had no heat:
We first saw our apartment in March, and it was vacant at that time. The radiators were turned off when we moved in in April, but we had no idea. It never occurred to us. It was chilly in the apartment, but spring was coming and soon we forgot about it. Then we had the first cold winter. It wasn't until this second winter that I was assertive enough to get to the bottom of it. Imagine that! No heat whatsoever for an entire winter! I mean, sometimes the radiators would get warm, but never hot. Now they are hot all the time! It is a comfortable temperature all the time, and I have never appreciated it so much in my life.
Our very sweet landlady was appalled that we had not had heat since we moved in, and she kept apologizing and I kept saying, "It's all right; you didn't know." I'm thankful that I have a good relationship with my landlady. It's an important quality-of-life factor. Like having heat!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Wait, what century is this?
On the door of a pharmacy in my neighborhood:
Toothpaste, toilet paper, aspirin... I know I'm forgetting something...
Oh yeah, leeches! I'm all set!
Toothpaste, toilet paper, aspirin... I know I'm forgetting something...
Oh yeah, leeches! I'm all set!
Monday, December 13, 2010
In Print, Out of Fashion?
Last year at this time I subscribed to ten magazines:
Vogue
Allure
Elle
Harper's
Harper's Bazaar
Self
Glamour
W
Marie Claire
Lucky
As of this post, I only subscribe to three:
Elle
Glamour
Marie Claire
I have been cutting out the excess and the unnecessary in many areas of my life this year. I guess for a time I was getting something I needed out of having that many subscriptions: The fun of having pretty, glossy pages in my mailbox practically every time I opened it. Lots of material to work with (I make collages). Lots of opinions and instructions and advice.
It's that last one that drove me to discontinue most of them. The tips and quips and "how to" features really started irritating me. I realized that I was willingly absorbing the beauty/relationship/career ideals presented in the magazines, even though a lot of them chafed. I took the hair and makeup tutorials and product pushing much too seriously.
On one hand, it's too bad that the good writing, interesting concepts, fascinating personalities, and sometimes-inspiring photography are all underwritten by companies selling products we don't need. I can't even tell you how many stupid jars of lotion and eyeshadow I've bought based on an "editorial review" in a magazine. I even bought a god-damn eyelash curler because of some quote from a celebrity makeup artist attesting that curling your eyelashes was THE ONE AMAZING THING THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR EYES AND YOUR LIFE. Bitch, please. My eyelashes could not possibly be improved upon. What was I thinking?
When I was visiting my parents for Thanksgiving I made some comment about how cable TV shouldn't cost money since you have to sit through advertisements anyway. I thought you should either pay for content and not have commercials, or get all the channels with commercials but not have to pay money to "subscribe" to them. My brother, in his charming Wisconsin drawl, pointed out that television programs would be unaffordable without commercial sponsorship.
That's very true. Maybe television should be unaffordable/unavailable to the masses...but I digress.
The point is, it's the same thing with magazines. I want some of the content, and I certainly want the pages with images printed on them for my collage work. Instead of blaming the advertisements, I can acknowledge their contribution (financial) and simply disregard any products or services that don't resonate with me. It's all about taking responsibility.
I'm thankful that I went overboard on magazines, because it helped me really see them for what they are. Vehicles for selling cosmetic products and procedures, clothes and accessories, beliefs and ideals. They are always instructing, guiding, gently chiding. Lists of "must do" or "must own" trends and baubles abound. We are encouraged to celebrate our unique, individual beauty. Yet most of the girls in the ads and fashion spreads have the same look. And that's fine.
I can choose to find some value in magazines, and I can choose to dismiss the rest.
"Re-examine all that you have been told; dismiss that which insults your soul."
--Walt Whitman
I was putting some finishing touches on a collage last night and flipping through the March 2010 issue of Vogue. There was an article (written by Mark Holgate) about fashion bloggers, and this quote jumped out:
"While what they do may be different, they all share one thing: They offer different commentaries about fashion, beauty, and lifestyle that can't be found in the mainstream media."
I love it! I think blogging is such a powerful new way of expression at this point in our civilization. What we are missing from mainstream media, we can create ourselves! The more people who blog, the better! That's what I think. It's all about sharing stories.
To end on a balanced note, here are the things I appreciate most about the three magazines I still subscribe to:
Glamour: I LOVE the "Hey, It's OK!" page. They fill a whole page with things you can stop berating yourself for. Such as, "Hey, it's OK to turn down an invitation to a holiday party you don't really feel like going to!" Not every example of this feature always applies to my life, but it never fails to make me smile and feel relief about some small thing I'd been needlessly feeling guilty about. They also include a page with a theme such as "The 8 Most Liberating Things a Woman Can Do" which is always fun to read.
Marie Claire: I find the tone of the captions and articles to be edgier and sassier than in other women's magazines. They poke fun, provoke a response, and feature more "unique" women and their life experiences. This magazine makes me chuckle more than the others.
Elle: Great book reviews. Smart writing. I LOVE the advice column by E. Jean. Plus it is just a big, solid publication. Never a skimpy issue. They also have the best horoscopes.
I'd love to work on a brand new type of magazine, either online or in print. I want a magazine that celebrates all types of creative expression, not just those related to fashion. Does a publication like that already exist? Let me know!
Vogue
Allure
Elle
Harper's
Harper's Bazaar
Self
Glamour
W
Marie Claire
Lucky
As of this post, I only subscribe to three:
Elle
Glamour
Marie Claire
I have been cutting out the excess and the unnecessary in many areas of my life this year. I guess for a time I was getting something I needed out of having that many subscriptions: The fun of having pretty, glossy pages in my mailbox practically every time I opened it. Lots of material to work with (I make collages). Lots of opinions and instructions and advice.
It's that last one that drove me to discontinue most of them. The tips and quips and "how to" features really started irritating me. I realized that I was willingly absorbing the beauty/relationship/career ideals presented in the magazines, even though a lot of them chafed. I took the hair and makeup tutorials and product pushing much too seriously.
On one hand, it's too bad that the good writing, interesting concepts, fascinating personalities, and sometimes-inspiring photography are all underwritten by companies selling products we don't need. I can't even tell you how many stupid jars of lotion and eyeshadow I've bought based on an "editorial review" in a magazine. I even bought a god-damn eyelash curler because of some quote from a celebrity makeup artist attesting that curling your eyelashes was THE ONE AMAZING THING THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR EYES AND YOUR LIFE. Bitch, please. My eyelashes could not possibly be improved upon. What was I thinking?
When I was visiting my parents for Thanksgiving I made some comment about how cable TV shouldn't cost money since you have to sit through advertisements anyway. I thought you should either pay for content and not have commercials, or get all the channels with commercials but not have to pay money to "subscribe" to them. My brother, in his charming Wisconsin drawl, pointed out that television programs would be unaffordable without commercial sponsorship.
That's very true. Maybe television should be unaffordable/unavailable to the masses...but I digress.
The point is, it's the same thing with magazines. I want some of the content, and I certainly want the pages with images printed on them for my collage work. Instead of blaming the advertisements, I can acknowledge their contribution (financial) and simply disregard any products or services that don't resonate with me. It's all about taking responsibility.
I'm thankful that I went overboard on magazines, because it helped me really see them for what they are. Vehicles for selling cosmetic products and procedures, clothes and accessories, beliefs and ideals. They are always instructing, guiding, gently chiding. Lists of "must do" or "must own" trends and baubles abound. We are encouraged to celebrate our unique, individual beauty. Yet most of the girls in the ads and fashion spreads have the same look. And that's fine.
I can choose to find some value in magazines, and I can choose to dismiss the rest.
"Re-examine all that you have been told; dismiss that which insults your soul."
--Walt Whitman
I was putting some finishing touches on a collage last night and flipping through the March 2010 issue of Vogue. There was an article (written by Mark Holgate) about fashion bloggers, and this quote jumped out:
"While what they do may be different, they all share one thing: They offer different commentaries about fashion, beauty, and lifestyle that can't be found in the mainstream media."
I love it! I think blogging is such a powerful new way of expression at this point in our civilization. What we are missing from mainstream media, we can create ourselves! The more people who blog, the better! That's what I think. It's all about sharing stories.
To end on a balanced note, here are the things I appreciate most about the three magazines I still subscribe to:
Glamour: I LOVE the "Hey, It's OK!" page. They fill a whole page with things you can stop berating yourself for. Such as, "Hey, it's OK to turn down an invitation to a holiday party you don't really feel like going to!" Not every example of this feature always applies to my life, but it never fails to make me smile and feel relief about some small thing I'd been needlessly feeling guilty about. They also include a page with a theme such as "The 8 Most Liberating Things a Woman Can Do" which is always fun to read.
Marie Claire: I find the tone of the captions and articles to be edgier and sassier than in other women's magazines. They poke fun, provoke a response, and feature more "unique" women and their life experiences. This magazine makes me chuckle more than the others.
Elle: Great book reviews. Smart writing. I LOVE the advice column by E. Jean. Plus it is just a big, solid publication. Never a skimpy issue. They also have the best horoscopes.
I'd love to work on a brand new type of magazine, either online or in print. I want a magazine that celebrates all types of creative expression, not just those related to fashion. Does a publication like that already exist? Let me know!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A whole new world of job hunting
I've been reading a lot of job listings for bartender positions lately. Let me tell you, it is a lot more fun than reading office job listings!
Here are excerpts from posts that made me smile:
"The perfect candidate must possess a bubbly, energetic, outgoing, vivacious, assertive personality."
Doesn't that sound great? These next two read like poems:
"Female Bartender
- Must be female
- Attractive, in and out
- Honest, high work integrity
- Must be able to work weekends
- Valid work authorization "
"New Trendy Lower East Side Bar and Restaurant
Opening Soon.
Looking for that “Downtown Vibe”
'Downtown Vibe' is my gangsta name.
"Looking for some female Bartenders WITH A FOLLOWING, for day or night shifts in a nice friendly neighborhood Bar in Massapequa.
ALL AGES can apply. Crowd is friendly and mature...... no jerks, no worries."
'No Jerks, No Worries' would be a great bar name! (For my Midwestern readers: Massapequa is a town on Long Island.)
"You must:
have prior experience, excellent personality and manners, micros experience
Follow these simple directions:
PASTE your resume onto the body of the email and attach some pics. "
It is pretty standard for the ad to ask for pictures, and they often say, "No photo, no response."
What I love about all these listings is that they're concise and direct. There's no politically correct phraseology or HR stiffness. And a great personality is worth more than a college degree, just like in real life ;)
So far I have not found a job as a bartender, but I am really enjoying looking for one! I think I'd better go practice my pour...
Here are excerpts from posts that made me smile:
"The perfect candidate must possess a bubbly, energetic, outgoing, vivacious, assertive personality."
Doesn't that sound great? These next two read like poems:
"Female Bartender
- Must be female
- Attractive, in and out
- Honest, high work integrity
- Must be able to work weekends
- Valid work authorization "
"New Trendy Lower East Side Bar and Restaurant
Opening Soon.
Looking for that “Downtown Vibe”
'Downtown Vibe' is my gangsta name.
"Looking for some female Bartenders WITH A FOLLOWING, for day or night shifts in a nice friendly neighborhood Bar in Massapequa.
ALL AGES can apply. Crowd is friendly and mature...... no jerks, no worries."
'No Jerks, No Worries' would be a great bar name! (For my Midwestern readers: Massapequa is a town on Long Island.)
"You must:
have prior experience, excellent personality and manners, micros experience
Follow these simple directions:
PASTE your resume onto the body of the email and attach some pics. "
It is pretty standard for the ad to ask for pictures, and they often say, "No photo, no response."
What I love about all these listings is that they're concise and direct. There's no politically correct phraseology or HR stiffness. And a great personality is worth more than a college degree, just like in real life ;)
So far I have not found a job as a bartender, but I am really enjoying looking for one! I think I'd better go practice my pour...
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