;)semicolonsmile

High and Low

2011-03-07T13:07:00.048-05:00

I'm so lucky to get to see the Empire State Building almost every day, in many different lights. It was green and red for Christmas, blue and white for Hanukkah, red and pink on Valentine's Day, and green and yellow after the Packers won the Super Bowl this year :)

Most nights it is classic white, and I love the lights reflecting off the clouds. If you look closely you can see a chain link fence in the foreground. The following picture was taken standing in the same place, but looking down through the fence instead of up over it:

It's so cool how there's a big empty pit right in the middle of a neighborhood full of huge buildings and skyscrapers. The dynamic range of this city is amazing: the buildings, streets, subway tunnels, and sidewalks are constantly under construction. The only constant in life is change, and I think that's why so many people are drawn to New York--it's alive!

Work Therapy

2011-03-02T13:00:00.001-05:00

It's the busy season at the bar and restaurant where I work--time to make hay while the sun shines (and while it rains)!

I won't deny that it's great to have a source of income, but yesterday I realized that money is only part of the reason why I like having a job, and only part of why I felt so miserable when I didn't have one. For me, work is also how I learn to improve myself and my life.

I was in a stinker of a mood yesterday, grumbling to myself with some "bad mood junk" that everybody wrestles with from time to time.

But as the start of my shift approached, I realized I'd have to make a conscious decision to leave my bad attitude behind me, at least for a few hours. One thing I love about the service industry is that your daily (or nightly) income is largely under your own control. You can't control how many customers walk through the door or sit in your section, but you absolutely control your success with any given table from the moment your guests are seated. Radiating negative energy is a very effective way to repel gratuities.

Every shift I work is a reminder to shift my thoughts away from negativity. On my way to work yesterday I told myself over and over, "If you can't think of anything positive, at least stay neutral!" I wouldn't go so far as to say that idle hands are the Devil's playthings, but from experience I've learned that being too idle does make it easier for devilish (detrimental) thoughts to run rampant. I'd rather think, "ketchup, dessert menu, check" over and over and let my subconscious sort out the rest.

This freelance writing work I'm doing is also a type of therapy. It's dry as hell, but just easy enough and just lucrative enough that I keep on doing it. As a result, I'm now in the habit of writing for a couple of hours every day.

Lately I've been thinking that I could quit churning out assigned articles for a marketing company and spend a couple of hours each day writing whatever I want instead. I have a feeling that in the end the return on my time would be worth quite a bit more, but making that change represents a leap of faith. I'd have to trust myself to put in the time and effort without any external source of motivation.

I think that's what every job we have ultimately teaches us. You can (and many people do) stick with tolerable work that has a built-in discipline and reward system, but I believe the universe is constantly nudging each of us toward a more fulfilling occupation. The key to finding that fulfillment is cultivating as much faith in yourself as you have in others.

For example, I have faith that if I complete four writing assignments and send the company my invoice, I'll get paid for my work. But do I have faith in equal measure that writing for myself will pay off? Therapists always ask tough questions.

Midtown Manhattan Montage

2011-02-24T12:21:00.000-05:00

One of the things I value most about my (almost six) years of living in New York is that I've had a wide variety of jobs in many different parts of the city.

I'm currently working as a waitress in Midtown Manhattan, and I've journeyed to and from work at all hours of the day and night. I love that my schedule changes from week to week, so I get to see the city, sidewalks, and people in a different light each time.

Looking at snapshots I've taken, I was surprised at how lonely and empty such a bustling neighborhood can appear. Inclement winter weather does add a nice touch ;)

Crossing Eighth Avenue after one of our many snowfalls this winter. Just to the right of the traffic light is a curved building: Madison Square Garden. In the background there is a half black/half white side of a building where workers on a suspended platform are hand-painting a new advertisement. You can also see a bike lane on the left. These bike lanes are pissing a lot of people off, and it's in the news a lot lately.

This is one of those times when the "sidewalk closed" sign really meant CLOSED. You can see MSG in the background behind the cloud. This is literally right next to a bank, a Starbucks, a deli, and Penn Station. There were tons of people walking just behind where I was standing when I took this. All the workers and passers-by were so nonchalant about the huge hole, backhoe, and hissing steam.

In many New York neighborhoods there are a lot of old churches among the newer buildings. I love the juxtaposition, and the fact that you can't see them unless you are walking on that very block.

This was taken on a rainy, shitty day. I got to work too early and didn't feel like going in yet, so I walked around the neighborhood for a while. I absolutely adore the ornate elevated passageway between buildings! This is also a typical "concrete corridor" view of the city.

Taken during one of our recent huge snowstorms, late at night. I had my boots and parka and didn't mind the walk or the weather. It was nice to have so much space and quiet for once! Most pedestrians and drivers simply went away, and the orange streetlights made all the snow glow.

Another snowy scene, walking down Seventh Avenue that same night. I could have taken a million pictures on my way home; everything looked amazing!

Guilt-free Blogging

2011-02-24T11:37:00.001-05:00

I've always been a fairly sporadic blogger, but lately I've just been neglecting to write. My work schedule has been really heavy this month because we are temporarily short-handed. When I do have time to write and go online, I've been doing my freelance writing job rather than my unpaid blogging.

But the thing is, blogging is the type of writing that makes me happiest! Yesterday I got a really great comment from a new reader on an older post, and it made my day. That's when I realized that I've been avoiding blogging because I don't feel like I have time lately to read and comment on other writers' wonderful blogs and reciprocate.

What I've decided is, no matter how thin I feel I've spread myself, I have to keep posting! There are just too many wonderful and weird and sometimes enraging things happening every day, and when I don't write about them I feel grumpy. Of course I love knowing that other people read my post and had some sort of reaction to it, but the bottom line is just putting it out there and expressing myself. We all need to do this, in one form or another.

I don't want anyone who reads something I've written to feel any sort of obligation to like it, share it, or comment on it (though of course that is great too). Likewise, I've decided to release myself from any guilt from not having the time or energy to read every post of every blog I follow, or reading but not being able to come up with a witty and supportive comment every time.

I know most bloggers and blog readers have probably felt the same way at one point or another. Let's let go of any guilt or pressure or feelings of inadequacy related to how we interact via our blogs, and just enjoy them for what they are: a fantastic opportunity to share experiences and perspectives with people we otherwise may not ever exchange words with.

That being said, I have some pictures I'm really excited to share with you! And I am having a whole new world of experiences working in the service industry. As my mom would say, "It builds character." There is much more to come. Thank you for reading.

Looks better than the original

2011-02-11T11:58:00.002-05:00

Spotted this "edited" movie poster in a subway station. Thanks for the laugh, unknown vandalartist!

Let's Get Intermate

2011-01-28T12:22:00.002-05:00

Especially love the lit-from-within lingerie mannequins in the front window.

Ghost, Demons, Slob

2011-01-20T11:50:00.042-05:00

I found this when I was in Tribeca for a job interview last month. Didn't get the job, but it was worth the trip down there just to see the firehouse where Ghostbusters was filmed! This is painted on the sidewalk in front (and yes, it's a real firehouse). I had been all worried because I didn't know if I was ever going to find work, and then I saw this and thought, "I ain't afraid of no ghost!" and somehow that made me feel better. The power of movies from childhood!

I don't know if this is a band or a clothing label or whatever, but it's a great message to put on a sticker and share with your neighbors!

I just love the attitude in this one! Spotted on a mostly-deserted block in my neighborhood. I got the feeling that whoever made this sign had a specific slob in mind. Things always look great on a brick background, don't they?

What's whit soda?

2011-01-18T11:09:00.002-05:00

Spotted in my new work neighborhood. (Not outside MY restaurant!)

I wonder how long before they fix "spaghetii and meal balls"? Maybe in the future we really will have meal balls... "Just heat and serve."

Free Audio Books

2011-01-15T15:48:00.000-05:00

I came across a website called Learn Out Loud, which offers audio books, MP3 downloads, podcasts and videos. The content is geared toward learning, so the subject matter includes topics like art, business, language, travel, philosophy, etc.

I want to tell you about this for two reasons:

1) They offer more than 3000 free audio books for download. Just click on the "free stuff" tab on the Learn Out Loud website. You can get free language lessons, meditations, speeches, and more!

2) Every Friday they offer an additional free audio book download sponsored by one of their advertisers. After you sign up for the newsletter (easy form, e-mail address only) they'll send you a notice once a week.

I'm not getting any kickbacks or swag in exchange for promoting this, I just thought it was worth sharing! I know those who use public transportation as often as I do will appreciate having new and varied listening material ;)

Visions of Winter

2011-01-12T22:29:00.001-05:00

We had more snowfall last night, but not as much as the storm that paralyzed the city the day after Christmas. It was falling fine and steady like flour from a sifter, and I stepped out onto my balcony around midnight to check it out:

It's never really dark in New York anyway, but it was noticeably brighter last night with the cloud cover and white snowfall. All that light was just bouncing around between them. You can't really tell from the picture, but it was as light as a cloudy day! No wonder this city never sleeps.

I was walking near Bryant Park in Manhattan today and I noticed all these chunks of ice (about the size of pens or playing cards) continuously falling onto the sidewalk from way up high. I stopped and looked up, and they were coming from the tops of the skyscrapers! It didn't strike me as particularly dangerous, but it didn't make me feel too comfortable either! The pieces of ice didn't show up in the photo, but the view from the sidewalk looking up turned out kind of cool:

I also noticed that the fountain in the park was still running, which is unusual. The water made icicles and frozen lumps around the base (also you can tell which way the wind is blowing!):

The reason I was in Midtown was for the fifth in a series of research studies I've been participating in. They don't pay much, but it's very interesting stuff (and harmless) and it was something I picked up to occupy myself while unemployed. Basically I wear special glasses and look at different images on a computer screen on the other side of the room, then push buttons on a keypad depending on what I see.

The study is being conducted by the optometry department of the State University of New York in order to help people without 3D vision learn to see in three dimensions. Yes, you read that right! I was so shocked to learn that some people just don't see in 3D! But they are finding out more about how the eyes and brain work together to produce 3D images, and they are starting to be able to "train" people with 2D vision to see with depth perception.

So I get paid a little, I learn cool things, and I get to use my perfect vision to help those without it. Score! Also, I get to sit in a room with this awesome sign on the door:

It looks like something I would've put on my bedroom door when I was a kid! I love it!

I'm back!

2011-01-09T20:02:00.003-05:00

So much has changed since I last blogged more than two weeks ago! I've been trying to think of witty and interesting ways to encapsulate my recent evolutions into a series of hilarious and poignant blog posts, but I think I'm just going to have to jump right into the mess and start writing where I am.

First of all: I have a new job!! Back in December I had applied to a ginormous (seats 250, has a 100-foot bar) restaurant in midtown Manhattan, hoping to be hired as a bartender. The manager called me a few weeks after I dropped off my resume and said she had a server position available.

It wasn't what I thought I wanted, but fortunately my unemployed ass realized: "I need a job, and someone just offered me one." So I took it!

Waiting tables is one of those things I had declared loudly and often over the years that I would NEVER do. I thought I didn't have the temperament for it, that it would be miserable, and that I was "above" it somehow. Well, I guess I've changed enough that I've done a complete 180 on that front! I had three days/nights of training last week and I start my own shifts next week. I can honestly say that I am excited and looking forward to it!

Also included in the list of "things I always said I'd never do, but now I enjoy them" are:

-getting married
-doing yoga
-wearing mascara
-eating seafood
-reading personal development books (aka 'self help'--though that term still turns me off)
-learning how to manage money

For my own life, at least, "never say never" has proven to be a very good policy!

Learning to manage my money better is one of my new year's resolutions, and I've started by signing up for daily e-mails from DailyWorth.com. I have a long way to go, but the important thing is to just get familiar with the areas of personal finance that intimidate/mystify me and start taking baby steps. I listened to a podcast interview with the founder of DailyWorth and I liked what she had to say. If you're in the same boat, check it out!

My other new year's resolution is to lighten up. Yup, that's it! I inflicted so much doom and gloom on myself in 2010, wallowing in unemployment and having pity parties for myself because I didn't know what my "purpose" or "dream" was. I still don't, but thankfully I've realized that I won't find it by sitting on the couch (or desk chair) and fretting about it. I really think that loneliness is the worst part of being unemployed (or working from home). I don't think being a waitress will fulfill me until the end of my days, but all my new coworkers are friendly, kind, and fun to be around, so it's a good start!

I'm Sorry I Couldn't Be There

2010-12-24T21:42:00.005-05:00

I've been feeling very withdrawn this holiday season. Actually, it's been more like months. It's hard for me to feel comfortable in social situations when I'm unsure of who I am and what I'm doing.

Casual questions like, "So, how are things going?" can throw me for a loop. How are things going? Woah.

I really need to lighten up.

To that end, I thought about Christmas one year ago: Dumpling slaving away at his failing restaurant. Me, pet setting in a filthy apartment, feeling sorry for myself and angry at the world. And no heat at home, either! Oh, Tamara, you do get yourself into some interesting situations. I am so thankful I can laugh now about all the crummy times last year!

This Christmas, things are about a million times better. Dumpling is working at an extremely successful new restaurant in the LES. And tonight I'm at home with my laptop, reading through the messy notes and bursts of inspiration I've typed and hand-written over the last couple of days. I'm not quite ready to share specifics, but it's what I blogged about last time, and it's going to be something cool!

As the bible says:

There is a time to reap;
A time to sow;
A time to party;
And a time to stay home.

Or something like that.

Soon I'll be super excited to go to parties and dinners out and karaoke nights--not only because I'll have something I feel passionate about and want to share with everyone, but because the closer I get to determining and articulating exactly how I want to engage with the world, the more comfortable I feel. More comfortable in my own skin, in my relationships, and in my reaping hat and party pants.

My Christmas wish for everyone: May the expectations of others fly away like the down of a thistle, and may your own visions of sugarplums inspire you to spend your holiday in whatever way pleases you most.

Believe Me: Telling Your Story

2010-12-21T13:45:00.004-05:00

Several weeks ago I was contacted by the folks organizing the Storytelling Summit, inviting me to participate and blog about it. It was all about personal and professional reinvention.

I didn't participate or write about it at all, and now it's over. I think this theme was too painfully apt for me to acknowledge at first, but now I feel I have no choice! Reinvent or perish!

I've been hating on resumes for so long now. The traditional resume/cover letter combo is just not doing it for me. Reading job listings and taking random stabs at things has resulted in some interesting experiences, but little fulfillment. I've decided to completely reinvent the job hunt. My experience, aptitudes, and aspirations cannot be effectively shared with the world using a resume. And I know that this must be true for many others as well! I'm going to create a website in order to gain clarity and connect with the people and circumstances that are right for my life at this time. Rather than "job seeking" or "job hunting" I will be conceiving of and creating a living for myself.

I feel like the way I've always approached job hunting is like half browsing, half begging. I'd read the job listings like an unappetizing dinner menu, considering each one in turn and trying to quell the nausea. Then I'd make a bid on the most palatable selection. ('Dear Sir or Madam, I'd be pleased to be considered for the position of chair-warmer in your fluorescent light department...') The bid would then be accepted or rejected. And I would feel disappointed either way.

This is a very slow and sad way to go about it! Trust me!

To me, a resume is an outdated, incomplete way of telling your story. I want to create a comprehensive, inspired, dynamic and concise way to show the world what I've done, what I have to offer, and what excites me. I really believe that if I do this authentically and to the best of my abilities, I can attract the ideal circumstances and people into my life and finally live up to my potential. Ideally during this process I will discover some universal truths and techniques that will help other people who are feeling the same way.

Since a resume is basically a way of telling the story of one's work life, I'm going to start by reading the storytelling manifesto which was provided as a free download (e-book) by the creators of the Storytelling Summit. It is still available at the Believe Me website as a .pdf.

I'll let you know what I think of it, and I'd love to hear your thoughts as well!

My Crazy Heat Story

2010-12-21T01:46:00.003-05:00

Earlier this winter our apartment was freezing cold. The radiators were rarely on, and it seemed like they never got warmer than my laptop. I slept in leggings, sweatpants, socks, a shirt, a hooded sweatshirt, and a hat. I hated taking my socks off to do yoga. Getting out of the shower was agony. It was just too damn cold.

I called the landlady once and asked her to please check and make sure the heat was on. She said she would, but nothing changed. A few days later Dumpling got fed up and called her. She said she was out running errands but promised to check when she got back. Nothing changed. This is what happened last year. We were freezing cold all last year too. We called a few times, figured it was just a "cold building," and sucked it up. Dumpling was away at the restaurant all the time anyway. And I was preoccupied with a particularly miserable stage of this bizarre early-mid-life-crisis I've been enjoying for the last eighteen months or so. I resigned myself to another cold winter.

The more things change, the more things stay the same. Dumpling is away at another restaurant all the time now. He has a new job at a hawt new place and it's going really well. I'm happy for him. She said through gritted teeth. Nope, not jealous at all. This winter, instead of walking dogs I'm tending bar. Good thing I have experience handling animals. Ba-dum bum.

But something is different this time around. One morning I woke up with a cold nose, gasped when I came out from under the covers, and got goosebumps all over my ass cheeks from the freezing cold toilet seat. I came out of the bathroom and I said, "This isn't right! It's too damn cold, damn it!"

I decided I didn't care how many phone calls it took, I was not going to live like this anymore! I called the landlady again. She said she would take a look at the boiler room right away (she lives in the building). A few minutes later she knocked on our door. Dumpling was still asleep and I had been washing dishes. I invited her in and she went straight to the nearest radiator in the kitchen and put her hand on it.

"It's not on at all!" she said.
"I know," I said.
"It's supposed to be hot!"
"That would be great!"

We repeated this five more times. There is a radiator in the kitchen, living room, bedroom, office, and a small one in each bathroom. We have six heat sources and two bathrooms. How decadent! I love it.

Anyway, she was horrified that none of the radiators were hot, and she pulled out this little tool and turned something on the side of one, and all this air came hissing out. She repeated this five more times. This is why we had had no heat:

We first saw our apartment in March, and it was vacant at that time. The radiators were turned off when we moved in in April, but we had no idea. It never occurred to us. It was chilly in the apartment, but spring was coming and soon we forgot about it. Then we had the first cold winter. It wasn't until this second winter that I was assertive enough to get to the bottom of it. Imagine that! No heat whatsoever for an entire winter! I mean, sometimes the radiators would get warm, but never hot. Now they are hot all the time! It is a comfortable temperature all the time, and I have never appreciated it so much in my life.

Our very sweet landlady was appalled that we had not had heat since we moved in, and she kept apologizing and I kept saying, "It's all right; you didn't know." I'm thankful that I have a good relationship with my landlady. It's an important quality-of-life factor. Like having heat!

Wait, what century is this?

2010-12-15T16:49:00.002-05:00

On the door of a pharmacy in my neighborhood:

Toothpaste, toilet paper, aspirin... I know I'm forgetting something...

Oh yeah, leeches! I'm all set!

In Print, Out of Fashion?

2010-12-13T12:20:00.005-05:00

Last year at this time I subscribed to ten magazines:

Vogue
Allure
Elle
Harper's
Harper's Bazaar
Self
Glamour
W
Marie Claire
Lucky

As of this post, I only subscribe to three:

Elle
Glamour
Marie Claire

I have been cutting out the excess and the unnecessary in many areas of my life this year. I guess for a time I was getting something I needed out of having that many subscriptions: The fun of having pretty, glossy pages in my mailbox practically every time I opened it. Lots of material to work with (I make collages). Lots of opinions and instructions and advice.

It's that last one that drove me to discontinue most of them. The tips and quips and "how to" features really started irritating me. I realized that I was willingly absorbing the beauty/relationship/career ideals presented in the magazines, even though a lot of them chafed. I took the hair and makeup tutorials and product pushing much too seriously.

On one hand, it's too bad that the good writing, interesting concepts, fascinating personalities, and sometimes-inspiring photography are all underwritten by companies selling products we don't need. I can't even tell you how many stupid jars of lotion and eyeshadow I've bought based on an "editorial review" in a magazine. I even bought a god-damn eyelash curler because of some quote from a celebrity makeup artist attesting that curling your eyelashes was THE ONE AMAZING THING THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR EYES AND YOUR LIFE. Bitch, please. My eyelashes could not possibly be improved upon. What was I thinking?

When I was visiting my parents for Thanksgiving I made some comment about how cable TV shouldn't cost money since you have to sit through advertisements anyway. I thought you should either pay for content and not have commercials, or get all the channels with commercials but not have to pay money to "subscribe" to them. My brother, in his charming Wisconsin drawl, pointed out that television programs would be unaffordable without commercial sponsorship.

That's very true. Maybe television should be unaffordable/unavailable to the masses...but I digress.

The point is, it's the same thing with magazines. I want some of the content, and I certainly want the pages with images printed on them for my collage work. Instead of blaming the advertisements, I can acknowledge their contribution (financial) and simply disregard any products or services that don't resonate with me. It's all about taking responsibility.

I'm thankful that I went overboard on magazines, because it helped me really see them for what they are. Vehicles for selling cosmetic products and procedures, clothes and accessories, beliefs and ideals. They are always instructing, guiding, gently chiding. Lists of "must do" or "must own" trends and baubles abound. We are encouraged to celebrate our unique, individual beauty. Yet most of the girls in the ads and fashion spreads have the same look. And that's fine.

I can choose to find some value in magazines, and I can choose to dismiss the rest.

"Re-examine all that you have been told; dismiss that which insults your soul."
--Walt Whitman

I was putting some finishing touches on a collage last night and flipping through the March 2010 issue of Vogue. There was an article (written by Mark Holgate) about fashion bloggers, and this quote jumped out:

"While what they do may be different, they all share one thing: They offer different commentaries about fashion, beauty, and lifestyle that can't be found in the mainstream media."

I love it! I think blogging is such a powerful new way of expression at this point in our civilization. What we are missing from mainstream media, we can create ourselves! The more people who blog, the better! That's what I think. It's all about sharing stories.

To end on a balanced note, here are the things I appreciate most about the three magazines I still subscribe to:

Glamour: I LOVE the "Hey, It's OK!" page. They fill a whole page with things you can stop berating yourself for. Such as, "Hey, it's OK to turn down an invitation to a holiday party you don't really feel like going to!" Not every example of this feature always applies to my life, but it never fails to make me smile and feel relief about some small thing I'd been needlessly feeling guilty about. They also include a page with a theme such as "The 8 Most Liberating Things a Woman Can Do" which is always fun to read.

Marie Claire: I find the tone of the captions and articles to be edgier and sassier than in other women's magazines. They poke fun, provoke a response, and feature more "unique" women and their life experiences. This magazine makes me chuckle more than the others.

Elle: Great book reviews. Smart writing. I LOVE the advice column by E. Jean. Plus it is just a big, solid publication. Never a skimpy issue. They also have the best horoscopes.

I'd love to work on a brand new type of magazine, either online or in print. I want a magazine that celebrates all types of creative expression, not just those related to fashion. Does a publication like that already exist? Let me know!

A whole new world of job hunting

2010-12-01T21:35:00.007-05:00

I've been reading a lot of job listings for bartender positions lately. Let me tell you, it is a lot more fun than reading office job listings!

Here are excerpts from posts that made me smile:

"The perfect candidate must possess a bubbly, energetic, outgoing, vivacious, assertive personality."

Doesn't that sound great? These next two read like poems:

"Female Bartender
- Must be female
- Attractive, in and out
- Honest, high work integrity
- Must be able to work weekends
- Valid work authorization "

"New Trendy Lower East Side Bar and Restaurant
Opening Soon.
Looking for that “Downtown Vibe”

'Downtown Vibe' is my gangsta name.

"Looking for some female Bartenders WITH A FOLLOWING, for day or night shifts in a nice friendly neighborhood Bar in Massapequa.
ALL AGES can apply. Crowd is friendly and mature...... no jerks, no worries."

'No Jerks, No Worries' would be a great bar name! (For my Midwestern readers: Massapequa is a town on Long Island.)

"You must:
have prior experience, excellent personality and manners, micros experience
Follow these simple directions:
PASTE your resume onto the body of the email and attach some pics. "

It is pretty standard for the ad to ask for pictures, and they often say, "No photo, no response."

What I love about all these listings is that they're concise and direct. There's no politically correct phraseology or HR stiffness. And a great personality is worth more than a college degree, just like in real life ;)

So far I have not found a job as a bartender, but I am really enjoying looking for one! I think I'd better go practice my pour...

Word of Advice

2010-11-10T10:48:00.004-05:00

Earlier this week I was chatting with a guy in my bartending class. He asked how old I was, and I told him.

He said: "You look really good for 31!"

I thought: "I bet you're single!"

This guy is all of 29, so it's not like there's a huge age gap. The thing is, he meant it as a compliment, and I knew that, but it still irritated the shit out of me.

Here's some free advice for all sweet-but-simple men who wish to make a good impression on a lady:

Never qualify a compliment.

Here are some better ways to express the same sentiment:

"Wow, I would have guessed much younger!"
"No way! I thought you were 25."
"Are you serious? You don't look a day over 19."

You get the idea. Now get out there and start spewing sincere, unqualified compliments at members of the fairer sex and see how much more ass you get!

You're welcome.

Hands in the Hair

2010-11-08T10:33:00.003-05:00

I get such a kick out of Engrish on Asian-made products, such as this bootleg DVD of the film Hands in the Hair.

The byline reads: "Why men don't ever get to the point"

Engrish synopsis from back cover (spoiler alert!):

Aini has been a beautiful lady in Shangbai. When time passes, she is getting old and her properties are her husband, children and a dilapidated house only. Hwa's salon become a shell for her. Hwa has been Aim's stylist for ten years, and an intimate relationship is developed between them. Hwa's salon is going to close down, and makes Aini feels worrying. The colosing fo the salon shall represent and end of their relationship but desire among them is releasing and grpwing. Just like a final answer of their releationshiop, they bave the first but also the last sex in the vacant salon.

I hope the subtitles are in Engrish too!

New Things

2010-11-03T12:51:00.003-04:00

Today is day 3 of a 2-week bartending course I signed up for. So far, so good! I took a free class first and got a great vibe from the owner & his staff. I'm really amazed at how much I've learned in just 8 hours (4 hours per day) and I look forward to learning more and more! They also have an excellent job-placement program after the course is finished, and I'm really, really looking forward to becoming a professional bartender. Already it is so much more fun and stimulating than any job I've ever done while sitting down!

More newness: I just got an e-mail from a representative of "The Reinvention Summit." Pretty apt timing, considering I am in the middle of reinventing my career ;) I don't have time to go into detail right now, but I'm going to look into it further and share the best parts here--what caught my eye in the e-mail was the subject line: The Future of Storytelling. Stay tuned for more!

But first I've got to go put on a black shirt (we practice mixing drinks using colored water, and it can stain!) and head off to class. It really is a blast! We learned martinis and manhattans yesterday and I kept getting that part from "Hey Ya" by Outkast in my head:

Shake it! Shake it! Shake it! Shake it like a Polaroid picture!

The whole song/music video is GREAT and never fails to bring a smile to my face :) Enjoy!

Would you vote for this guy?

2010-11-02T11:19:00.002-04:00

It's election day! This poster is great. It says he was born, raised, and educated in Brooklyn, and he's definitely keepin' it real with that photo.

And now for the type of voting I'm actually interested in: YES to Proposition 19 in California! Cross fingers! We'll probably be able to smell it all the way over here if it passes ;)

An Evil Grin, Lit from Within

2010-10-30T12:14:00.002-04:00

Happy Halloween!

Where's George?

2010-10-25T13:03:00.002-04:00

I got one of those dollar bills with a stamp on it encouraging you to go to wheresgeorge.com to enter the serial number and see where the dollar has been.

Well, apparently I got the lazy person's dollar because I'm the first person to enter a location for this particular bill in 7 years, and the only other record was the initial entry when it was first stamped with the website and put into circulation. In PA, only 312 miles away.

I was hoping for a cooler track record, but I'll do my part and put it back in circulation soon. I'm sure George has many exciting travels ahead of him! I entered my e-mail address at the website to be notified the next time someone tracks this bill. I think it would be amazing if he ended up in France or Cambodia or New Zealand. Good luck George!

P.S. If you feel so inclined, you can make your own "Wild George" bill, register it on the website and see where it pops up!

Dead End: New Beginning

2010-10-23T14:12:00.004-04:00

I quit my job yesterday! It was bittersweet. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had to get out of there. But most of my coworkers were really smart, sweet, funny people that I enjoyed spending time with, even when the work was stressful.

Once I made my decision, it seemed so obvious. But it took me six weeks to get to that point. I knew it in my heart from day one, but for a long time I blamed myself for having a bad attitude, until I realized that it wasn't about blaming myself or the job--it simply wasn't a good fit. And every single day during those six weeks of work, I walked by this sign. But I never really saw it until yesterday!

It was a dead end, but a necessary experience. It forced me to think about how I "ended up" in yet another unsatisfying job. This time around, I'm taking a cue from Monty Python:

"And now for something completely different!"

I want a dream job. I want one of those jobs that makes people say, "You're so lucky! I can't believe you get paid to do that!" When someone asks me what I do, I want to smile really big and say, "I have the best job in the world!" And mean it.

Jobs like that do exist. Plenty of people live their lives doing things that make them feel happy and fulfilled. It's time for me to get in on that!

Check out these crazy nipples!

2010-10-22T07:22:00.002-04:00

Happy Friday!

Autumn Suns

2010-10-21T07:26:00.005-04:00

Inspired by The Streaming Now, I offer a quote/photo mashup to brighten your day:

"Not what we have, but what we enjoy, constitutes our abundance."
--John Petit-Senn

The sky at sunset just as I exited the subway on my way home from work.

The view from my balcony--the sun rising just after I finished my morning yoga workout.

There has been an abundance of beauty in Brooklyn this autumn--and the leaves haven't even started to change yet! The best is yet to come.

Because a dog is a terrible thing to waste

2010-10-20T07:46:00.002-04:00

More sophomoric humor

2010-10-17T11:20:00.002-04:00

I guess a basket just isn't the same...

Toys

2010-10-16T12:56:00.002-04:00

This is the window display of a liquor store in my neighborhood. It features guns and ceramic figurines, of course.

Yummy?

2010-10-15T07:53:00.003-04:00

Look, I'm a big fan of Dwayne Johnson--he's easy on the eyes and a great actor (I particularly enjoyed his role in Southland Tales). But isn't it a little weird to sell an ice cream treat with his naked torso printed on it? I mean, maybe for a bachelorette party or something. But this is an ice cream truck! Playing music! To attract children! Maybe that's why he has no nipples... Anyway, it's bizarre and I love it. Happy Friday!

Getting It Done

2010-10-11T10:29:00.002-04:00

All I wanted when I started to read Get-It-Done-Guy's 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More was to understand and immediately apply universal principles of organization to my home, job, and entire life, transforming them completely.

So naturally I procrastinated finishing the book for as long as possible, clung desperately to my inefficient and messy habits, and let unimportant tasks take precedence over reading and reviewing as I'd promised.

I mean, who wants to leave work and then read a book about getting more work done on the commute home?

But the tone is light and humorous throughout, so even a stressed or fatigued brain can process the material--which, incidentally, is about changing your habits so that your brain feels less stressed and fatigued at the end of the day. A variety of strategies and tips are offered, rather than ordered, and the reader is often encouraged to reexamine chores (plowing through an overstuffed inbox, plodding along on a long project) from a fresh perspective.

For example, (and this is one of my favorites), when you have a million new e-mails to sort through, rather than working from your inbox and trying to move things out, dump the entire stack of unread items into your trash folder and only rescue the ones that are actually important. Voila!

Another thing I was reminded of: there are no "universal" principles of organization. Not every bit of advice in this book will work for every individual, but Stever (love that weird name!) insists on this point throughout. Every section is essentially geared towards empowering the individual. At every turn he helps you realize that your technology and relationships ought to be making your life easier, not harder, and that you have the right to change any and everything you can, rather than just 'dealing with it.'

So he offers various techniques for reorienting your thoughts and actions so that you're making things happen, rather than reacting to what happens. Although it's a straightforward, both-feet-firmly-on-the-ground book, the underlying message is really the same as many other 'self help' or 'life coaching' reads: decide what you want to have happen, believe that you have the power to accomplish it, and then do something: don't wait for it to "just happen" on its own.

This book happens to focus on 'work,' but it's really the same idea for any project: it's about trying different approaches until you figure out what works best for you, and staying far away from any sort of victim mentality (poor me, I have so much to do). If you feel stressed and unproductive, you have the right, the resources, and the ability to change things for the better. This book is one of many out there that offers such help, and it's an enjoyable, fast read to boot.

Remember: as required, I'm declaring that I've received a promotional copy of this book in exchange for reviewing it here.

Link it up:

Get-It-Done Guy's 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More

Stever Robbins's website

Visions of Gawd in Booklyn

2010-10-10T10:24:00.004-04:00

On a FedEx drop box...

On a lamp post...

...and on a jacked ATM. Where's your Gawd now?

Five Faves

2010-09-18T09:00:00.000-04:00

I'm not receiving compensation or free stuff for anything mentioned in this post--just wanted to share! I've spent plenty of time and money determining which products get the job done, and it's time to share my wisdom with the world...

Best Mascara: CoverGirl LashBlast Length (yellow tube)

I've been duped by mascara ads and reviews before. A beauty editor in one of the many magazines I read swore that L'Oreal Voluminous mascara didn't smudge, and I got so excited that I bought it--and half the time it smudged like crazy. This one doesn't. And I wore it all summer, even during softball games, and I SWEAT. They also have an orange tube which is for volume, and now a purple tube which is for both volume and length, but I haven't tried either of those (yet).

Best Lip Gloss: Sephora

I first tried this brand of lip gloss when I got it for free as a birthday gift from the (also free) Beauty Insider points card Sephora offers. They have many varieties of lip gloss, but I'm talking about the kind that comes in squeezy tubes. Not with a wand, or a palette, or whatever else. Those may be good also, but I've only tried the tubes (both kinds: spongy tip and brush tip). The texture is spot-on: moisturizing, but not sticky or goopy, and it lasts. Plus they have every color, with sparkles or without, with SPF or without, and they smell pleasant and have a neutral taste. Also it wears in a very natural-feeling way, so you don't have any waxy residue on your lips at the end of the way. I have tried so, so many brands of lip gloss, and this is definitely my favorite so far.

Best Nail Polish: Revlon
Best Top Coat: Sally Hansen Ultimate Shield

First of all, the design of the Revlon nail polish bottle can't be beat: it's wide at the bottom and small at the top. I have no idea why some other brands have round, tippy bottles. It also lasts a long time in the bottle, even if you don't use it for months. The colors go on nice and saturated so you really get the color you see (sometimes when buying nail polish you think you are buying one color, then you put it on and it's so sheer that it's like three shades lighter). It dries quickly, resists chips, and is just all-around good quality. My favorite color is Red Hot Tamale.

Ultimate Shield is aptly named. This will keep your nail polish looking good even longer. I wash dishes with no gloves on and it holds up well.

Best Mineral Sunscreen: Yes to Carrots Hydrating Body Lotion with SPF 30

I had almost given up on finding a good mineral sunscreen. Burt's Bees: chalky and hard to rub in. Alba "very emollient" sunblock: oily, chalky, and hard to rub in. Badger all-natural sunblock: dry and thick and hard to rub in. You see the problem. Ahava was good, but pricey. Yes to Carrots was given a good review in a magazine, and after I finally found some (Walgreens) I decided to try it. And it's great! It has a soft scent, almost like baby powder (but not so perfumey), and though it is 10% zinc oxide it really does feel like putting on regular (chemical) sunblock. It isn't a "dry" finish, you will look like you just put sunblock on, but it's not overly greasy or shiny either. If you prefer physical to chemical sunscreens and are frustrated by the texture of most of them, give this one a try!

Free Reads

2010-09-14T19:55:00.004-04:00

Please note this information which I am obligated (and happy!) to share with you:

I am receiving a free book (Get-It-Done Guy's 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More) from the author's publicist in exchange for reviewing it here.

I don't know how she found my blog, but I'm glad she did because it's a book about being organized and getting stuff done, and I two days ago I started a new job as a project manager! I really need this information! Great timing for Tamara!

The book is in the mail to me this week, and I'll definitely be reading (and reviewing) it promptly on arrival!

In the meantime, if you'd like to sample it for yourself you can download the first 2 chapters as .pdf for free by visiting this website (at the bottom of the page):

http://getitdoneguynews.com

And yes, it really is free--I clicked on the download links myself, and it downloads the .pdf immediately. You don't have to create an account or give them your e-mail address or anything, which is pretty sweet.

Words of Encouragement

2010-09-08T14:06:00.007-04:00

I'm back! For a while there the oppressive heat and weeks of fruitless job searching got the better of me, but things are looking up!

I'm so grateful for the sweet comments after my silly retirement post--thank you, gentle readers!

I'd like to share some other words of encouragement spotted here and there:

In the subway:

On the back of a van:

And on recycling:

And in my inbox: an e-mail from a woman named Nina Martin, who is promoting a new book by Stever Robbins (yes, it's Stever, not Steven, I checked!) all about practical, simple tips for increasing organization and success. Sounds good to me!

She offered to send me a copy in return for reading and reviewing it here. A free book? Hells yeah! So stay tuned for my review, and in the meantime you can click the title Get-It-Done Guy's 9 Tips to Work Less and Do More to get a preview if you wish.

Good stuff! More to come!

Semi-retired

2010-08-30T17:19:00.002-04:00

I was thinking of deleting this blog, but I'm going to try taking a break from it first in case I change my mind. If I feel the same way in a month or so, then I'll delete it.

Just wanted to give everyone a heads up to avoid causing confusion!

Have a great Labor Day Weekend :)

Finally Under Way!

2010-08-27T10:43:00.004-04:00

After several fits and starts, plenty of wallowing and brooding, and heaps of procrastination, I am finally getting up and writing every day!

After some research and introspection I was able to identify my strengths and weaknesses as a fiction writer. This was not an entirely comfortable revelation, but better late than never!

Strengths: imagination, style, ability

Weaknesses: plot structure and general planning

This came about as I set out to write an outline for my 3 Day Novel entry this year. The last four times I competed I had a character, a vague idea of setting, and one cool occurrence or theme, and just ran with it for three days. This had been my technique for all the fiction I wrote. I'd get a really cool idea for a specific part of a story and just write until I couldn't think of anything else to write.

I thought that the "1% inspiration, 99% perspiration" formula meant having one great idea and then sweating over an incomplete story until you had figured it out. And I suppose that's true, but a more helpful way of interpreting it is sweating over an outline and character sketches and all that "boring" preparation, and then writing it.

I can't believe it has taken me this long to figure it out. How many creative writing classes have I taken? Sigh. I suppose even if you are exposed to the best teachers and resources, if you have a certain attitude or if your mind is already made up about "the way things are," you will only hear what you expect to hear. I always scoffed at the technical side of writing (the plotting, planning, and building) because I thought that the entire process had to be this beautiful, mystical, purely creative thing.

Turns out I was wrong--the prep work is drier and sort of like "engineering" your story, but it makes the actual writing much easier and more fun.

I researched a lot of different techniques for outlining a novel, and settled on The Snowflake Method. I predict that I will try out different ones (index cards, flow charts, etc) and end up with a hybrid method that works for me. For my 3 Day Novel I did sort of a modified Snowflake outline, because I felt that the level of detail achieved in the later stages would amount to cheating on the contest, even if I didn't write any actual prose.

So I've finished that outline, and I'm just going to let all those ideas marinate in my subconscious until 12:00 AM next Saturday.

Until then I'm working on a short story. It's set in an intergalactic cantina, and it's sort of a combination of bawdy bar stories and the myriad ways relationships mess with us.

I have another novel started, but I just couldn't bring myself to work on it more until after the contest next weekend. But it'll be good to have something started and ready to work with, because I've found that a three-day writing marathon really primes the pump and I want to keep the momentum going when it's over!

I have two "old" novels are languishing in my hard drive. I wrote the first one, a sci-fi novel, I think in 2006 for the most part. I sent queries to a couple dozen agents, had one request for a full manuscript, and then nothing. My second novel was for young adults, and that too received one request for a full manuscript, plenty of rejections (I'd estimate about fifteen) and then nothing.

However, I did hear from my aunt, who is a great reader. I'd sent it to my 12-year-old cousin to see what she thought, and my aunt read it too. She had really quality feedback about it, and after having left it alone for months and months I can see exactly what she is talking about. But I don't feel inspired to go back and "fix" it.

While doing my research on outlines I read a list of "rules" one prolific author had created for wannabe authors. One of them was to always finish what you wrote, and to edit it again and again until it was in its best form. But my instincts are telling me otherwise. I want to look at those first two novels as good practice, and go on to write better ones.

Now that I've discovered the "secret" of creating a solid outline first, I'm excited to see what happens when I write a first draft based on that, rather than just winging it. I'm also very excited to check out the CreateSpace thing on Amazon that a friend (and NaNoWriMo success story) told me about.

Despite the hours and days spent stressing and feeling lost, I now declare August a huge success! I spent a lot of time adjusting my attitude about work and writing, caught up on sleep, and I'm finally (in the last week of the month) living out my blessed "free month" the way I intended.

Looking back, it's obvious to me that this type of shift would take a good three weeks. You can't (or at least I couldn't) go straight from a full-time corporate soul-squelching work setting into full-time fiction writing without an adjustment period.

The motives are so completely opposed: in one situation you are doing what someone else tells you to do, for money. In the other situation you're doing what you want to do, for no money (yet). I'm looking forward to finding the perfect balance of the two in the coming months!

Ew, gross!

2010-08-15T16:13:00.005-04:00

Warning: if you are easily grossed out, this one may not be for you.

I got a little banged up from softball this year. I think it's a good thing though, because it shows more effort! Mostly I got skinned knees from diving to (sometimes successfully) catch foul balls. But in the last game I also killed a toenail.

A low, fast pitch hit me right on the end of my left big toe. It hurt like the dickens when it happened, and was sore for a day or so. Then it just felt like a lot of pressure underneath the nail, and it started to lift up. I could see a white membrane between the nail and my toe, like a concentrated cobweb.

I have teal polish on my toes and I'm afraid to take it off in case the nail is all dead grayish purple underneath. Zombie toenail!

The front edge and corners of the nail are lifting up. When I touch it I don't feel anything--it's like having a hard plastic toenail.

I talked to a couple of friends (one who plays street hockey, one a former ballerina) and they had both lost plenty of toenails over the years and told me that yes, from the sounds of things my nail will fall off in a couple of weeks. I hope a new nail is mostly grown in first. The thought of having a toe with no nail gives me the creeps.

It's not painful unless I poke or pry at it, but I'm worried about catching it on something or having someone step on my toe in the subway. Or what if I use toenail clippers and the whole thing snaps off? Ew!

I also have a skinned knee from more than two weeks ago. For a long time it didn't scab over, it just wept clear brownish orange fluid--which I eventually realized was the same color as the dirt on the softball field. Now it's partly scabbed over but it still cracks and weeps from time to time. It seems to be steadily getting better though.

It really is fascinating watching things heal. I didn't feel that way when my tattoos were healing, because I was always impatient to see the finished artwork. But I already know what my plain old toe and knee look like, so I have more appreciation for the process.

The pitcher on my team slid into second base and scraped up a huge swath of skin on the side of his calf. He was safe, but I don't think it was worth it. We lost by a lot anyway. A few days after the game he had to be hospitalized because the abrasion had become badly infected. Reportedly, he said it looked like hamburger.

Those softball fields, man. They're just big, dusty petri dishes.

The final grossout: I was shopping for band-aids and saw this in the pharmacy:

If you can't read the small print at the bottom, it says: "Sweat Absorber and Friction Fighter".

Ew, gross!

A Clean Slate

2010-08-11T11:51:00.004-04:00

Yesterday was my 31st birthday and a new moon! Bring on the newness!

I have two goals this year:

1. To relax more. (Dumpling, I can hear you laughing. Knock it off.)
2. To own less stuff.

I got very inspired by this article I read in the NY Times today.

I started to feel upset about how much stuff (junk, crap, clutter, etc) was in my life after we moved to a new apartment in April of last year. I put all our things in boxes and literally felt the weight of what I owned. I had flashbacks to reading Walden in the tenth grade. Dumpling was busy getting the restaurant started at that time, and the burden of unpacking and setting up our new place was on me.

Then a few months after that we were married, and my very large, very well-intentioned Midwestern family gave us a lot of gifts. I had struggled with the gift registry because there were probably five or six things I could actually think of that we needed (a new set of sheets, a new frying pan) but my (generous, loving) relatives wanted to see a typically big registry so they could get us "something nice."

It's really hard to explain to house-dwellers what it's like living in a Brooklyn apartment.

It's also very tricky to try to avoid the traditional wedding gift situation without offending people who have traditional beliefs about weddings.

That's one thing I love about Asian weddings--you give the happy couple an envelope with cash in it and you're done.

Anyway, the wedding hubub is all behind us now (we had our one-year anniversary on Monday!) but that's the point when I started to realize how uncomfortable all my stuff was making me.

I don't know if we'll be able to take the idea as far as the couple in the article did. And I don't think their choices are necessarily ideal for everyone. I suspect each of us has his or her own "comfort level" for possessions. Just like we each tend to have our own "set point" for body weight.

I'm still feeling kind of chunky with my junky, so I think there's more to lose.

I've been cleaning out stuff, selling on eBay, giving to the Salvation Army, and selling/donating clothes at clothing recyclers like Buffalo Exchange all spring and summer. What I've learned is, you can't rush it. Just do a little at a time. Get rid of one bag or box of crap per week. Again, it's like weight loss: if you lose it too fast you'll just get it back again (like when I compulsively bought Gremlins on DVD and three books at a stoop sale--and I have literally hundreds of DVDs and books already). Small adjustments over time are key.

It's funny how one week you won't be ready to part with that handbag you haven't used in two years, and then all of a sudden one day you can't stand to look at it anymore, and you give it away and you feel so relieved, and it's like: why did it take me so long to see that I didn't even like it anymore?

Such is life. Here's to being older and wiser!

Making a living

2010-08-03T20:58:00.006-04:00

In May I was hired as a freelance consultant to work for a big publishing company for twelve weeks. I signed a contract, submitted an invoice each week, and I worked in the education division as a production editor. I read manuscripts of math lessons for the sixth, seventh, and eighth grades. (I actually got a terrific math review from this job!) I learned that this company employs a lot of temps and freelancers, and even has a temping agency that solely provides this one company with temporary staff.

I was officially hired to check the art requests that accompanied the lessons, to make sure they were properly formatted and matched the lesson material, but of course (as always happens) I wound up doing lots of other things such as proofreading, coming up with a new way to organize and catalog the information I was working with, and general problem solving. It paid well, and they kept me busy. The people I worked with included full-time employees as well as other temps, and they were all nice.

I'm hesitant to name the company, because it's a great big international corporation and I know they have a lot of wordy, intimidating policies about what you may or may not say about them in "social media" such as Facebook, personal blogs, etc. And I'm really hoping to sign another contract with the same department and people, so I want to toe the line!

I worked there for twelve weeks. Then the contract ended, and I decided to have myself a nice European-style August. I used to be jealous of Europeans and how they seem to just disappear and relax for an entire month in August. But I'm no longer jealous, because I've joined them! August is MY month, and I plan to enjoy it.

Coming up next week, August 8-10, we have Dumpling's birthday, our first anniversary, and my birthday! We planned it that way to make the whole anniversary thing foolproof. Now I just have to think of a gift good enough to cover both occasions.

Besides the gift of my presence, of course ;)

One of the other independent contractors I worked with during that time wanted to hire me for some freelance proofreading after my contract ended, so I now find myself working from home for the first time! I'm trying not to think too far ahead, but I predict that in the fall I'll find some sort of new freelance or temp job and then take things as they come.

The funny thing is that when I was sending out tons of resumes and stressing over interviews last spring, I thought that I wanted a full-time job. But since then I've decided that I don't want a full-time job unless it's A) something that I love so much it doesn't fee like work, or B) too lucrative to pass up. Ideally both! Otherwise, I'll happily freelance and temp my way along. You can take a week or two or four off anytime if you budget for it. How amazing is that?

I wish I could remember where I read this quote. At any rate, it's not a new idea; I just particularly liked the phrasing: "Americans fetishize work. Europeans tolerate it."

I don't think I've ever fetishized work, but the fear of going without health insurance always made me seek full-time employment. I haven't had any health insurance for about a year and a half now. I pay for dental cleanings and one yearly checkup out of pocket, which comes to about $350 total (per year). My mom is very worried, but pesters me blessedly little about it. I know I should get at least the "disaster insurance" so if I get hit by a taxi or something I won't have to go bankrupt. But at the same time, I'm like, "Well... so far, so good! Why start shelling out $200 a month now?"

Wasn't President Obama going to do something or other about health insurance? Wasn't I supposed to be able to shop online for that shit? I honestly can't remember how that played out.

Anyway. Since I plan to have a lot of free time this month, I'm going to do more writing. Specifically, I'm going to edit a draft of a novel which has been languishing in my documents folder for months. Also, Labor Day weekend 2010 will be my fifth time participating in the 3 Day Novel contest, and for the first time ever I'm going to prepare an outline!

It's not cheating; they allow you an outline, just no prose. But four times in a row I've neglected to take advantage of that. I said I was just being spontaneous and open to inspiration, but really I was being lazy. I'm hoping an outline will make all the difference, because I promised myself I'd enter this contest each year until I won it, and it's really kind of a drag missing out on Labor Day weekend. The weather is always awesome.

More thoughts on working from home and completing one year of marriage are sure to come...

A good one

2010-07-30T08:45:00.002-04:00

I follow a couple three literary agents' blogs. I don't always read them, but I'll scan the first few lines of each post and see if it's something that interests me. I haven't felt excited about any of them for a while, but that changed this morning!

Read a great essay on voice by Rachelle Gardner, Literary Agent

Hope you enjoy it, and have an inspired Friday!

Signs of confusion

2010-07-26T19:08:00.010-04:00

Spicy Asian? Yes, please! That one's for you, Dumpling ;)
This photo was taken at a Pizza Hut off of I-95. Apparently all those oriental countries just make one flavor of sauce, and the hut has it.
(Bonus points for the phrase "daring Buffalo eater")

But if I'm on Miller time, which Sunday is it for me?

Boneless loins...what a shame.

Wait, I've got another one:

Racks and boneless loins? Must be a tranny club!

Boiling Point

2010-07-24T19:34:00.003-04:00

The heat is out of control today, and it's not bringing out the best in anyone.

I was fine when I woke up, but it was getting hotter by the second this morning and I started to go a little nuts. All of a sudden I just couldn't stand to look at all the same crap and clutter for one more second!

I stormed around the apartment, rearranging things, trashing things, chucking crap in a bag to donate to the Salvation Army. The more I moved around, the hotter and sweatier I got, and the more steamed up I got. I was cursing at inanimate objects and making sarcastic remarks to the cat. Dumpling, bless his heart, was terrified but decided things would go better for him if he got on board.

So he cleaned up his piles of junk (believe me, he had significant junk piles to deal with) and even drove me into the city so I could recycle a bag of electronic "leftovers" and buy a very special bookshelf I'd had my eye on for weeks. I got one a year ago, and now we have two. Best bookshelves ever, and very easy to assemble.

On the way back we got pulled over by the fuzz about four blocks from our apartment. One cop stood on each side of our vehicle, and they both looked very sweaty and ready to enforce the law. The cop on Dumpling's side asked for his license and registration, which he provided, and then he asked why we'd been pulled over.

"I'll let you know about that," she snapped, and stalked back to the cop car with his documents. A couple minutes later she came back and gave him a lecture about coming to a full stop at stop signs. Dumpling's no fool: he kept his mouth shut and nodded. I sat still and looked straight ahead. He got off with a warning, then they followed us for a couple more blocks and then we were home free.

Phew!

Came home and our landlady (whom I love) was outside scraping gum and shit off the sidewalk in front of our building. In a hundred degree heat! On her hands and knees scraping and sweeping so she could apply a sealant so the concrete won't crack when it rains. I know this because she already treated all the balconies and window ledges of our building last weekend. She does it every summer. We chatted a bit on our way inside, and she mentioned that the next door neighbor had been outside arguing with her just a moment ago.

Apparently the next-door lady (a fat, cranky, trailer-park-looking bitch) was telling our landlady to sweep up on the other side of the fence as well (the two properties have side-by-side wrought iron fences) and our landlady was saying no way, that's your problem, it's messy because of all your plants, etc. You can just imagine the kinds of things two middle-aged property owners in Brooklyn fight about.

Well. About a half an hour later we're upstairs cleaning and stuff, and Dumpling tells me to go out onto the balcony. Our landlady and the fat bitch are having a hollering match out front. It was like one of those screaming fights you see between women on reality TV shows. They were both beet red, and the neighbor was all, "F that, and F this, and F you, and go F yourself!"

I felt bad for our landlady because she's from Poland and her English isn't that good. It's good enough for everyday, basic communication, but she's not very fluent and I know from personal experience how frustrating it is when you're super pissed off and the person you want to tell to go suck an egg or eat shit and die doesn't speak your language.

Fortunately our superintendent was out there to keep an eye on things, and eventually they both went back inside.

Sheesh! I never saw that on Sesame Street! Remember that song? "These are the people in your neighborhood..."

Thank god the grid is holding and we have power. I'd either be weeping or raging by now if I weren't sitting directly in front of an air conditioner. And thank god my husband always keeps his cool! Our pad looks a million times better, and it's time to imbibe and chill the F out already.

That's what he said

2010-07-24T19:27:00.003-04:00

I got some feedback from a male friend on the train post. He was disappointed that I hadn't taken into consideration the fact that men suffer great discomfort and annoyances on the train as well.

There's a reason for that: I've never taken the subway as a man. So I have no idea what it's like! Friend, I invite you to share your thoughts on the subject. I'll give you credit when I post them, or I can keep you anonymous--your choice. But I really would love to hear from you!

Train Unfair

2010-07-18T10:10:00.010-04:00

Last Friday on my commute home, I was sitting on the subway reading. There was an empty seat next to me, and at one of the stops a guy sat next to me. In my peripheral vision I noticed that as he was sitting in such a way that neither our shoulders nor legs would come in contact. Here is what I was thinking (while reading):

Wow, I can't believe how considerate this guy is. I can't remember the last time I shared a 2-person subway seat with a guy who kept to himself so nicely. Maybe he's a big, shy, nerdy teenager who's still got some manners. Or maybe he's just a little bit simple, like Forrest Gump. I don't care what his deal is, I'm just so glad I didn't get a stinker or a spreader this time.

A few stops later he stood up to get off the train, and I couldn't resist a peek at this unusually polite guy. And it turned out to be a woman. A tall, kind of bigger woman with short hair. And instantly I realized that's why I was so wowed by my seat partner's posture. Because even though I had (understandably) assumed it was a guy, the energy just didn't feel masculine.

Men and women behave so differently in the subway. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule, but in general men act like they own the seat beneath their buns plus all the space on either side as far as they can spread their legs open, whereas women tend to sit in a way that makes it easier and nicer for other people to take a seat as well.

Of course anyone who rides the subway on even a semi-regular basis notices this, but I was really impressed by the fact that even when my logical mind believed the person next to me was male, my intuition could tell that it was a female.

Then yesterday on my commute home I was sitting across from this little middle-aged Asian woman with a big shopping bag between her feet. A short, stocky Hispanic guy got on the train and sat next to her, and I wish I'd had an invisible video camera with me to capture what happened next. He sat down, not caring that his arms and shoulders were touching the people on either side of him. The woman was wearing a long skirt and he had apparently sat on part of it, because she started tugging at it, and squirming, and making faces, and trying to edge over in her seat. The guy just sat there, completely nonplussed, as she got fussier and angrier and eventually stood up, stormed out, and moved to the next car. He sat there placidly as if she had never been there at all. It was this 30-second drama that completely encapsulated this ongoing subway conflict between the genders.

The thing is, men don't mind if they're pressed up against a (usually smaller, better-smelling, better-looking) woman. Women tend to mind very much when a man is all up in their personal space. Therefore men get more space on the subway. And so it goes.

Let's lighten the mood with a couple of photos from the 99-cent store:

Hey there. Like my Chinese underpants? I'm gonna sit next to you on the subway and hog all the space on the seat. Don't look at my nipples.

He-ey! Do you like my sexy waist-cinching band? It's good for adventures and workouts, and sometimes I just wear it around the house while I twirl my hair. I hate when guys invade my personal space on the subway. Unless they're wearing Chinese underpants. Ooh, baby...

Scenes in NY

2010-07-13T08:30:00.005-04:00

I found out yesterday I may have some time off in between contracts at work--which would be ideal! I'd love to have a European-style August and just chill. One thing I need to do is catch up on my writing. I got another rejection e-mail from an agent yesterday, which reminded me I need to send some more queries. Just narrowing the field!

Also I'll be participating in the 3 Day Novel contest again this year, for the fifth time. You're allowed to write an outline and as many notes as you want, just no prose. I've never taken advantage of that before, though I've meant to. Every year I just sat down, said a quick prayer, and started typing like hell. I think I'll try a little preparation this time and see if that helps. It takes place Labor Day weekend so a break from work right about now would be perfect.

Here are some pictures taken in New York this summer--just some everyday scenes that tickled me for one reason or another. Summer in the city can be very uncomfortable and smelly, but it's great for people watching. Enjoy!

There are a lot of car services in Brooklyn, which I didn't realize was special until I had to explain how it worked to every house guest we had from out of town. Basically they are taxis but you agree on the price beforehand and they will come pick you up when you call. In between jobs you see them hanging out parked around the neighborhood on quiet streets, usually smoking or talking on the phone. It was super hot and this driver was stretched out having a nap. Guess he felt pretty safe!

This is near Madison Square Garden in my work neighborhood. My first thought was, "Why is there an ad with both Jay-Z and the Nets on it?" Then I looked closer: it's kind of hard to see, but if you look closely on the right there's a white space, and there are two guys on a platform painting on the new ad. This was taken around ten in the morning, and it was finished by the time I left the office. Pretty cool!

I love this photo. There was this garbage can up in flames in midtown, and all these people just glanced at it (or not) and kept walking. Some people (like me) took a picture and kept walking. Eh, there are plenty of cops on the street, they'll figure it out.

Eye on the sky

2010-07-11T21:04:00.008-04:00

Have far too many cool pictures waiting to be shared--it's been a longer break than I intended! Somehow it's hard to stay motivated when it's hot and muggy.

These are some amazing clouds and skyline shots I took from the car when we were driving back from Boston a couple of weekends ago. Since then Dumpling and I have been to Wisconsin and New Jersey--no wonder I haven't had time to blog!

It's a heart!

These were taken after a brief but heavy thunderstorm.

Sun shining through a hole in the clouds--so cool!

At first I was bummed the sign got in the picture, then I realized it looked cool!

Almost home: driving over the BQE from Queens to Brooklyn with a gorgeous view of the city.

Stop dumping!

2010-06-23T08:27:00.001-04:00

I was so happy to see another sign posted on this block.

I was laughing out loud as I took the picture and this woman sitting on a nearby stoop was glaring at me. I don't know if she's the author of the local signage or if she just disapproved of my reaction.

Maybe Obama should send her down to the Gulf of Mexico to duct-tape signs to the oil rigs: This area is under video surveillance! Stop leaking!

She seems pretty vehement; it just might work.

Summer is here

2010-06-21T08:15:00.001-04:00

Soak it up!

Money: not for nothing

2010-06-18T08:39:00.005-04:00

While I was job hunting this spring I was surprised by the number of employers who responded by offering a temp position. At first I ignored them, because I was looking for a full-time, reasonably long-term job. Then one of the offers sounded too good to pass up, and when I asked about the duration of the work I discovered this job category called "temp to perm."

Basically what it is happening is a company wants a full-time employee, but they don't want the expense of benefits (401k, sick days, personal days, health insurance, etc). So they call it a temp position, but you work full-time hours and it lasts basically as long as a regular job would. This is my current situation. I'm working for a very large corporation, and I know they have a ton of policies about 'social media' and what you can and can't say about them online, so I'm going to keep the company name to myself.

I get paid a very good hourly rate, I submit an invoice once a week, and I like what I do. While I don't have the traditional benefits (and I have to do my own taxes at the end of the year!), I do have one huge benefit, which is flexible hours. Every day this week I've worked from 10am to 5pm, taking a full hour off for lunch, so I'm billing six hours per day. It's fantastic. I don't have to stress if the subway is stalled or if I need to leave early for a softball game or whatever--I come and go pretty much as I please!

There is a big difference, however, between getting paid a regular salary and billing for your time. I wish it weren't true, but the fact is I still find it a bit uncomfortable to tell someone how much money they owe me. I'm worth every penny I'm getting there (and probably more) and I'm doing a good job, so why do I find myself mentally justifying how much I'm getting paid every time I write up my weekly invoice? This has got to stop.

Which brings me to a related issue: I'm no longer writing for the neighborhood newspaper I was associated with for a few months. It was a good experience, but I knew I wouldn't have time once I started a new job. Also, the publisher is cheap and has terrible communication skills. My last assignment was an article about a furniture design expo in the city. Based on what she e-mailed me, I wrote a piece that I felt met the specifications. After I sent it in, I heard nothing for weeks. Then the issue came out, and I was puzzled why my article wasn't printed. I sent her an e-mail, waited another week, and finally she replied and told me that what I wrote wasn't what she'd had in mind, so she decided not to run it. We agreed on a kill fee of 25% of the original payment, which I have yet to see several weeks later.

It's not a huge amount of money, but I've been avoiding following up. Partly because I don't like to be reminded of a 'failure,' but also because a part of me felt like I didn't deserve it. I disappointed her. I failed to meet expectations. Never mind that I spent valuable time scheduling and conducting interviews with multiple people, collecting digital pictures to accompany the article, and writing about furniture (yawn).

But asking for what I'm owed on a weekly basis at my current job has been really good for me: iit feels better each week! I'm getting used to declaring what my time is worth. Now I'm ready to follow up with my former publisher until a check is in my hand, and I can't believe I ever hesitated to remind her that she still owes me the kill fee.

In my last post I was sort of complaining about feeling more grown up--but feeling more confident about money and self-worth is a grown-up quality I have no problem with! Next goal: developing my negotiation skills. I've always read in women's magazines that statistically women have a harder time negotiating a starting salary, asking for a raise, and reminding debtors to pony up. I believe it's vital to change how women feel about themselves and money, so I've decided to push through any discomfort in this area and "be the change I want to see in the world."

If you've ever negotiated a higher salary or stood up for yourself in a "pay me what I'm owed" situation, I'd love to hear about it! How did you prepare? How did it go? Got any tips? ;) And it's Friday: if you're getting paid today, take a moment and make sure you feel awesome about it!

Lifestlye changes

2010-06-17T08:34:00.004-04:00

Over the last five weeks I've been adjusting to the desk jockey lifestyle. It's been hard, because when I was a dog walker I could eat all day (and did!) and never get fat. After about two weeks of chair-warming I realized I'd have to consciously monitor my food intake or deal with the consequences.

It wasn't a fun realization, but I've gotten used to it now, and eating less has become a habit, just like eating more became a habit when I was physically active all day. Another thing I've discovered I need to do is work out first thing in the morning. This was actually a little harder to come to terms with because I've always sneered at "those morning workout people" and declared that I'd never set my alarm clock one minute earlier than it absolutely needed to go off.

And now I get up really early and do yoga before I even have coffee. I feel old. I've left behind the rock and roll lifestyle of my youth. I'm married, I'll be thirty-one inside of two months, and I get up early to work out.

Well, that's all right. In time I won't think about it so much. And I suppose it's better than the alternative, which would be holding on to unsuitable habits and living with extra weight.

Change is good! Sometimes we need a reminder of that:

Guy Candy

2010-06-14T19:23:00.002-04:00

I'm blushing.

It's warm, I'm drinking red wine, and I can't believe I haven't updated this thing in almost three weeks!

I've also been getting a little (ahem) warm looking at a wonderful website a friend recommended:

World Cup Guy Candy

I watched the USA vs. England match on the weekend, and since hardly anybody scored a goal (they tied 1-1) I found myself enjoying the aesthetic qualities of the sport.

I am actually familiar with the rules & whatnot as I used to play when I was younger. But ladies, I'm telling you, even if you're not a soccer fan just tune in when you get a chance! After staring at the enormous backsides, beer bellies, and jiggling chins of all the sedentary slobs you have to push through on your commute, watching the World Cup players is like a spa for your eyes.

Ahhh....

In other news:

-the new job is going well! It's been over a month now and the honeymoon is definitely over. But I like it and I want to keep it.

-I dyed my hair platinum blonde! I thought I only wanted to get highlights, but a friend of mine is a hair stylist and she really wanted to have fun and bleach the hell out of it so I told her to do whatever she wanted!

-I've been drinking too much this spring! I remember this from last year: two softball teams and restaurant stress = too much alcohol. Must cut back.

-And Dumpling finally found a buyer for his restaurant! Apparently it takes just as much time to close a business as to open one. The upside is that he's had lots of time at home and has put screens on the windows and shelves on the walls. Score!

I have to go check the World Cup schedule now and see how many more games I can watch...

Multy Stuff

2010-05-25T08:21:00.007-04:00

I must be working in midtown again...I keep seeing all these awesomely bad store signs! Unless Multy is an electronics brand I've never heard of...

I love the name of this nail salon! I spotted it from across the street and started cracking up. It's like they couldn't be bothered to think of a name. "Oh, it doesn't matter. People know what we do here, let's just call it Nail and Stuff'."

If suppose if they decide to change directions they could keep the name for a hardware store...

Flush and Squeeze

2010-05-25T08:19:00.004-04:00

This sign cracks me up every time. It's SO bad--the way they capitalized every word, got the grammar wrong, and the fact that a sign like this even needs to be posted in a bathroom that only adults use.

Maybe "squesse" is some sort of flavor. Raspberry lemonade, squesse lemonade...?

The Wall Street Journal Comes Out

2010-05-20T08:28:00.002-04:00

Pretty edgy ad for the WSJ! Still not cute enough for me though...

How much for the butt?

2010-05-18T08:03:00.002-04:00

Random items on clearance at a local store. The 3D ass art is almost bad enough to be awesome!

With a capital T

2010-05-16T10:41:00.003-04:00

I spotted these bells in the lobby of a bank ATM.

Uh-oh, the Trouble bell's ringing!

Dumpling and I attended the annual NYC Tattoo convention yesterday. It's great people-watching, and it's a good opportunity to see work by artists from around the world. My favorite was a French woman named Catrina who does acrylic and watercolor paintings, and then adapts images from her paintings as tattoos. I'm totally visiting her studio in Paris!

They also have several bars at this event, tattoo competitions, and people selling artwork, accessories, clothing, etc. You can also watch people getting tattooed there, including the "old school" method of ramming the ink in with sharp sticks (which, I admit, I couldn't watch for very long!). I love the energy there, and I highly recommend it to anyone who's curious!

I had a hard time deciding between three necklaces. One said "Fuck off," another said "Trouble," and the last one said "I dare you." I decided against the first one because I wanted one I could wear anywhere. I was torn between the second two, and I was leaning towards Trouble because it reminded me of that bell. And also because I'm a big fan of The Music Man.

But Dumpling said it was the type of necklace an obnoxious sixteen-year-old girl would wear and then I couldn't get it because that's so true. "I dare you" is cooler anyway. Thanks for the tip, Dumpling!

Know when to walk away

2010-05-10T22:20:00.007-04:00

I was in Atlantic City with Dumpling and friends over the weekend! We saw Hall & Oates in concert Saturday night at the Borgata, and they put on a great show. The crowd was mainly older people, but they were really into it and the guys played two encores. Bravo!

I've never really liked gambling, but when you take a casino bus from Chinatown you pay $15 for the round-trip bus ticket (not bad, since it's 3 hours each way) and they give you a $25 voucher to gamble with at the casino upon arrival.

We stayed at the Tropicana and it smelled like coconuts in reception. We didn't have the energy to do much besides eat and drink after the concert, but we had a few hours to kill before the bus left on Sunday and decided to use those vouchers! I wanted to play Blackjack because it's a game I actually understand. I got a Blackjack on my first hand and won a bunch! Then I lost on my second hand but was still ahead.

There was this woman, sort of a manager of the casino workers, who had to approve my bus voucher with the dealer before I could use it. I mentioned that it was my first time gambling (and it was true, it was my first time playing at the tables) and she stuck around to watch. After I lost my second hand I said, "You know what, I'm still ahead, that's good. I'm done."

And she looked at me and said (not unkindly), "You're not a gambler!"

It's true! Dumpling and I had a good laugh about that comment. (He came out $15 ahead after our 20-minute casino experience). I experienced a winning hand and a losing hand and walked away $12.50 richer. Fair enough. I like winning better. I thank my lucky stars that I didn't get the gambling gene--there was a chatty guy sitting behind us on the bus home who had lost ten grand that weekend if he was telling the truth.

I can think of ten thousand better ways to spend ten grand than in an Atlantic City casino...

In other news, I started a new job today! It's too soon to be able to say much about it, but as far as first days go, it was good. I'm not a receptionist and I'm not anybody's assistant, so I'm already ahead in that respect! I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning, put on a button-down shirt that covers my tattoos, and say, "Hit me!"

Très Belle

2010-05-03T14:35:00.006-04:00

Though I'd never had a facial before last Wednesday, my skin was no stranger to scrutiny and ministrations: typically resilient and fairly well-behaved, it tends to break out during times of high stress. It went haywire for several weeks during my freshman year of college, and again when I moved from Osaka to New York City. So I wasn't really surprised when the usual blemishes started popping up in the usual places last week.

Despite all his hard work and hopeful outlook, Dumpling's restaurant closed for business last Monday. In the turbulent, uncertain time surrounding that unhappy event, my skin was up to its old tricks again, and I responded by pinching, praying, and pleading with my pores to please take pity on me and calm down already. If my skin could talk, it would've said, "For the thousandth time, get your mud hooks off of me and hie thee to a professional!"

Since I apparently never learned to speak my skin's language, the Universe stepped in to facilitate communication: I was presented with an opportunity to enjoy a heavily discounted facial at Très Belle Petite Medi-Spa in exchange for a writeup on this very blog. [I am sharing this because we bloggers are now required to disclose all goods, services, or money we receive in exchange for writing--you can more about that relatively new law here.] Ordinarily I would've been wary of trying a new skin treatment while scheduling a series of job interviews, but the sheer volume and effusiveness of the positive reviews on Citysearch and other consumer review sites made it a no-brainer! And now I'm pleased to share my own "glowing" review.

It may have been my first facial, but I love massages and I'm no stranger to the inside of spas. I've learned the hard way (unpleasant receptionists, unkempt environments, noisy staff) that doing your research before booking the appointment is a MUST, and happily Très Belle lived up to the all praise I'd read.

I was welcomed into the bright, beautiful waiting area by Allison Tray, who co-owns the spa with her father, and after filling out a brief and relevant information sheet I was introduced to Yoshie, one of two staff facialists. I was shown to a small, clean, and exceedingly comfortable room where I removed my top and jewelry, put on a whisper-thin cotton hair net, and lay down to await my introduction to the world of facials.

I was feeling excited, but also nervous and embarrassed. My pimples were so big and ugly I felt like they should have their own room--maybe even their own zip code. There's a reason it's called concealer: nobody wants other people to even see their zits, let alone touch them. Especially when it's someone with gorgeous skin whom you've just met! I guess it's akin to the urge some people have to straighten up before the cleaning service arrives. But I needn't have worried. My eyes were gently covered for most of the treatments, and Yoshie was a consummate professional and anything but squeamish.

A wonderful apparatus (it kind of looks like a Wii remote on a gooseneck) was positioned over me and diffused delicious-smelling rose water vapor over my face and neck--this happened several times during the facial, and I swear, if I could have eaten the air I would have! Yoshie gently cleansed my skin, then examined it under an illuminated magnifying glass (I was especially grateful for the eye coverings at this point!). She explained in a matter-of-fact way where the most troubled areas of my face were, and asked if I'd like extractions. Since I honestly didn't think my skin could look any worse, I told her to go for it!

I'm not going to lie, having blemishes and blackheads extracted is no walk in the park. Then again, I can hardly complain about a spa treatment when I've willingly spent hours bleeding in tattoo parlors! Everything she did felt very precise and practiced--and a far sight better than any DIY technique! And everything that followed was, in a word, luxurious. It would have been worth the visit for the facial massage alone, but it also included a hydrating mask, acupressure, and a lovely "downtime" where I relaxed (okay, maybe dozed a little) with my own thoughts and regenerative serum. It may sound over the top to say I was in an altered state, but that's what happens when you have a good spa treatment. It doesn't just treat you, it transports you. I was in a place where the sounds of traffic from outside (it is a Brooklyn spa, after all) failed to bother me, even when they reached me.

Immediately afterward, my skin didn't quite look as good as it felt. Anyone who's suffered from recurring or persistent acne knows that those bad boys (the ones you feel coming before you see them) don't just vanish in a couple of hours. But they did vanish within 48 hours, which is at least five days faster than usual! I visited Très Belle on a Wednesday, and by Saturday I was the "belle of the ballgame"--and thank god for that, because I refuse to wear makeup when I play sports! The weekend also brought visiting family (read: lots of pictures) and an incredible wave of heat and humidity. Fortunately by then my skin was no longer an "issue", and I could focus on catching up and having fun, rather than worrying if my concealer had melted off.

It's been a full week since the facial, and now that my blemishes are gone I can appreciate the other benefits: smaller pores, softer skin, and just more even conditions in general--gone are the shiny places and dry patches! I'm definitely planning to incorporate facials into my skincare routine going forward--and since things are looking up on the job front (more on that later!) hopefully I'll soon be able to try laser hair removal as well, which is something I've been interested in for a while now. I'm really grateful that I had this experience, but there is one thing I'd like to change about Très Belle: I wish they were located on the ground floor of my apartment building!

Graffiti from Sevilla

2010-05-03T13:23:00.007-04:00

When it rains, it pours! I haven't had much of an online presence in the last two weeks, because my offline life has been keeping me very busy.

Dumpling's restaurant folded, I have been interviewing for jobs, softball season is underway, I recently had family visit, and we're having a heat and humidity wave here in NYC!

More on some of that in future posts. I also had my first-ever facial last week and will be posting about that fabulous experience tomorrow!

But for now I'd like to share some pictures of graffiti that I took about a month ago when I was in Sevilla. Enjoy!

Classify this

2010-04-22T12:52:00.004-04:00

Are you a Lady or a Tramp? If you're a woman, you must be one or the other. No, seriously. An expert on women has decided that far too many of us are doing things that he doesn't approve of, and has deigned to provide us with a rulebook so that we can aspire to be seen as "classy" in his 27-year-old eyes.

Thank god. I knew I was missing something in my life, but since I'm just a mindless, trashy slut with tattoos and a drinking problem, I couldn't figure out how to better my situation. But thanks to Derek Blasberg's intervention, I now know that I should wear underwear and stop carrying around used condoms and industrial strength laxatives in my purse.

Who's Derek Blasberg? Elle magazine describes him as "a social chronicler for many New York publications and an international jet-setter who's breached the upper echelons with style, wit, and an admirable ability to down yet another flute of champagne". Well, he's breached something all right.

Mr. Blasberg, a fashion writer and Missouri native, has taken it upon himself to write a handbook for women called Classy, which Elle describes as "a guide to becoming a true lady." The magazine devoted an entire page in their April issue to promoting this ridiculous tome, complete with a "Classy Quiz" and a list of "What Never to Have in a Bag" (which includes this puzzling final admonition: 'Remember: How a girl treats her bag is how she might treat a boy.')

I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, but I do know that I would treat any of my handbags with more respect than a boy who presumes to tell womankind what we're doing wrong and why he knows better. At least my purses are attractive and serve a purpose.

The more I read about Mr. Blasberg and his book, the more convinced I became that he is either being bribed or blackmailed by a reactionary religious group who want to bring about a second Victorian era. His views are sexist and demeaning, yet he somehow gets away with it by calling his book "witty". Yeah. It's about as witty as including the word "obey" in a bride's wedding vows. But you don't have to take my word for it--here's what Derek Blasberg has to say:

"I'm shocked by how many supposedly sophisticated girls don't know their water glass from their wine, or who believe menstrual cycles are appropriate cocktail conversation."

"Modern society has put such an emphasis on inappropriate behavior that it seemed like the right time to remind young women how to behave."

"Even if you are a mess, even if you have become the type of girl no one respects, even if you are a tramp—it’s never too late to turn yourself around and become a lady."

"Temptation is as old as time; or at least, the history of temptation extends as far back as the moment Eve gave Adam that serpent’s apple. But what sets the lady apart from the tramp is the ability to acknowledge she needs to clean up her act—and then, of course, the fact that she actually does clean up her act."

"Even if you’re a train wreck, even if as you’re reading this book you’re drunk at a store and thinking about stealing it so you can trade it for a cigarette in the parking lot, there’s still hope for you. Even if you drink too much or pole dance to pay for your cell phone bill, you don’t have to be destined to an emotionally painful, liver-damaging, yellow-toothed, overly tattooed existence."

Mr. Blasberg's website describes Classy as "a collection of humorous essays and illustrations aimed at young women". Aimed at young women? Definitely. He's got us in his sights, and he's shooting to kill our spirits. But humorous? Are you fucking kidding me?

There's nothing humorous about referring to young women en masse as "trashy tramps". There's nothing funny about his biblical reference to Eve, with the implication that women are the genesis of temptation and debauchery. And I'm not at all amused by the fact that a man in his twenties has presumed to write a rulebook for women, or the fact that a women's magazine is promoting it.

Sure, he has a successful career in fashion journalism, but why the attack on women? And why does Elle magazine, an otherwise smart and sophisticated publication, endorse this horseshit?

On page 160 of Elle's April 2010 issue they justify promoting his book this way: "Lindsay Lohan tweets to thousands about her ta-tas. Heidi Montag gets plastic surgery and CNN reports. It's the age of poorly behaved, panty-flashing train wrecks. ... A New York social butterfly believes that in today's age of tasteless pseudo-celebrity, it's time for a refresher course in how to be Classy."

If you don't approve of Lindsay Lohand's titty tweets, don't read them. If you're gobsmacked by CNN's coverage of Heidi Montag's plastic surgery, don't click through to those kinds of stories. And if you publish a magazine aimed at women, don't insult our intelligence by pushing a book that tells us we're all either "tramps" or "ladies." I'm neither, and soon I may not be an Elle subscriber either.

On style and stylists

2010-04-17T09:53:00.003-04:00

I won a sweepstakes prize late last year which included a giant tote bag of Nexxus hair products (mostly given away to a friend with long, beautiful hair) and a "shopping tour" with one of the Harper's Bazaar stylists.

At first I was intimidated by the thought of spending four hours shopping with someone who styles for a living, but now that I've had the experience I feel that I can distill what I learned into some very practical lessons.

Lesson #1: Gain clarity before you shop.

Before the shopping tour was scheduled I had a multiple-page questionnaire to fill out. This was not easy, and I'm glad I had an external source of motivation or I'm not sure I would have gone through with it. The next time I'm feeling vaguely dissatisfied with the state of my wardrobe I'm going to go back to the questions and start from there. Something about the time and effort spent in putting your thoughts on style on paper forces you to acknowledge that you already know how to style yourself, if you'll just commit the energy to it. Want to try? I've paraphrased the essence of the questionnaire here:

Describe your body type and any specific sizing issues you have.
What do you see as your best assets?
What do you see as your problem areas?
Describe your lifestyle, routines, interests, and travel schedule.
How would you describe your personal style?
Describe someone whose style you admire.
Where do you most often shop, and what do you most often buy?
What do you consider to be your best all-time purchases?
What holes do you see in your wardrobe? What do you have too much of?

And the last step is to actually plan your shopping trip. Allot a certain block of time, decide which neighborhood and stores you will visit, and write down your goal(s) for this shopping trip.

It was absolutely a revelation for me to do this written exercise and set out shopping not just hoping to find "something", but with a clear objective.

Lesson #2: You know those people who work in clothing stores? Let them work for you.

This seems like such a no-brainer to me now, but it was something I rarely took advantage of before. At some stores (department stores, and, I learned, Tophop) you can call ahead to schedule a private dressing room and have items pre-pulled for you. Do your homework (see lesson #1), call ahead and make sure the store you're interested in offers this service free of charge, and then be very specific about what you're shopping for.

Even if that service isn't available, by all means take the sales people up on their offers to fetch you another size or color or style. Spare yourself the unpleasantness of getting dressed and undressed multiple times and waiting in line again.

It was life-changing for me to go to a store, go straight into a large dressing room, and have a whole rack of shorts just waiting for me to try them on. It's terribly efficient! All I had for spring was one pair of cutoff jeans shorts, but within fifteen minutes of shopping this way I'd found two pairs (one casual, one dressy) of shorts that I love! Now if only the weather would cooperate...

Lesson #3: Try on the smaller size first.

In the past, whenever I had an item in two sizes and wasn't sure which was correct, I'd try on the larger size first. My stylist noticed this and without hesitation instructed me to always try on the smaller size first, because you're more likely to find a better fit that way.

Think about it: let's say you've got a dress in a size six and a size eight. If you try on the size eight and it's a little roomy, it's tempting to label it "comfortable" and keep it, even though a smaller size may actually be a better fit. On the other hand, if you try on the size six and it's too small, there's no mistaking it.

Of course no-one likes to try something on and feel "too big" as a result. When I lived in Japan I was reduced to tears on several occasions when even the largest size (XL) in shirts was practically cutting off the circulation in my arms.

But what I've learned is that (assuming you live in a place where they actually make sizes that fit you) you need to just suck it up and say, "All right, I'm going to try on the smaller size first, just to make sure. It might make me look or feel like a bloater for a few seconds, but that's better than having a closet full of clothes that look shapeless and baggy."

By no means do I consider myself a "style expert" after this experience, but I did end up doing a big closet clean-out as a result, and I also packed exceedingly well for my vacation (for the first time I brought with me only clothes that I really love, no 'filler').

In the future, I can see myself paying for the services of a stylist: when I'm busy, successful, wealthy, and have many galas and exotic travel destinations to plan for. But in the meantime, what I learned from this introductory style session will serve me (and hopefully some readers!) very well.

Farewell to foreign shores

2010-04-17T09:30:00.005-04:00

A lot has happened in the three weeks since my last post!

I quit my dog-walking job on a Friday, came home, showered, grabbed my bags, and flew to Spain. I traveled for a week, had a wonderful vacation, and returned to New York one week ago today.

The plane landed smoothly at JFK, but personally I had a bit of a crash-landing. I had such a good time in Spain (where I used to live, and where one of my good friends currently lives) that part of me didn't want to come back.

But I did come back, and now I'm job-hunting (always interesting) and reevaluating my life here with a new perspective--which is the greatest gift of solo travel.

I took a lot of touristy pictures while traveling, but I also took plenty to post here! Namely, some awesome graffiti and signage with bad and hilarious English.

Perhaps quitting my job without anything lined up and blowing my tax refund on a vacation wasn't the most responsible course of action, but I'm very glad I did it.

April has traditionally been a month of upheaval and new beginnings in my life, so I'm not too upset about the undercurrents of uncertainty and dissatisfaction churning beneath the superficial chores and amusements of day-to-day life. In my experience, rather than seeking a port in a storm, it's time to say, "Anchors aweigh!" and see where it takes you.*

*Please note that this nautical reference is metaphorical, not practical!

I got you a present

2010-03-25T01:45:00.002-04:00

Nuts in a basket...is that like dick in a box?

Dandy Wine, No Lyin'

2010-03-18T23:10:00.005-04:00

I have no self-control around an open bottle of wine, and I had a great time interviewing the owner of a local wine shop for a newspaper article. It was published in print but not online, and I never signed any sort of exclusivity deal, so I'll link to the newspaper here, and link to the wine shop here, and share the article with you below. Enjoy!

Venturing into a smart boutique wine shop can be intimidating. It can also be a great deal of fun, as I learned at Greenpoint’s Dandelion Wine, where owner Lily Peachin and her staff are passionate, not pretentious. Their extensive selection is neatly organized on plain wooden shelves, and arranged amidst the appropriately ‘vintage’ décor. The bottles, with old-fashioned string tags around their necks, are as pleasing to browse as books, and like books, each bottle has a story to tell (ask about the Sinister Hand!). Reading their poetic, handwritten descriptions and trying to choose just one is thirsty work: how ever to decide between ‘Long and Lush’ or ‘Big Purple Spicy’?

Drinking both is not only tempting, it’s well-advised—if you want to learn more about wine, that is. According to Peachin, aspiring wine connoisseurs need only two things: an open mind, and an open bottle. Make that several bottles. The point is to experience the diversity of wine—and this means experimenting and asking questions. Daunted? Don’t be. This is a wine shop where you may hear someone liken a wine to “a summer day, with a breeze on my balls” or refer to the French as “badass winemakers”. Just think of them as your oenologists next door.

A self-proclaimed farmer’s daughter, Peachin has an unsurprising preference for ‘honest’ wine—a quality not limited to a particular grape or region, but true of any wine that “fulfills its natural destiny” by exhibiting the characteristics native to its grape and environment. Anything that manipulates the development of the wine—such as adding sugar or oak chips, two common practices in many ‘new world’ regions—is, then, dishonest, and Dandelion Wine’s range favors the old world accordingly.

Naturally, Peachin also promotes seasonal wines, and for spring recommends “Rosé, rosé, rosé!” Another fine vernal choice is a vino verde from Portugal: a drinkable white with a slight sparkle that sells for under $10 a bottle. And by summer, Peachin expects to offer even more ‘economy-sized’ options: “A plethora of boxes! Everything from Malbec to Côtes du Rhône to California.”

While a price point never trumps taste, “Wine doesn’t have to be expensive to be complex and interesting,” Peachin insists. In fact, their best-seller is a $9 bottle called Porca Douros, which has been a neighborhood favorite since day one. And the vast majority of their bottles are under $20, with many under $15.

But the ultimate deal is whatever’s being served on Friday from 6-9pm. Dandy’s weekly (and über-popular) tastings include not only three different wines, but a spread of Scratch bread and cheeses, and usually a winemaker or representative on hand to answer questions. The offerings vary widely: the theme may be a region, a season, or even a holiday. Says Peachin, “We are always getting new things in. New York is really ideally situated—we can import from California, Europe, from everywhere. It’s easy to find stuff to pour.”

I’ll drink to that.

Query letter evolution

2010-03-15T11:30:00.005-04:00

I haven't finished organizing my thoughts on the stylist shopping trip yet, but I do promise to share!

I still haven't heard from the woman who requested my full ms, and last night I sent out another query letter with sample pages and a synopsis. I'm posting the latest version here because one of the ways I was able to teach myself how to write a query letter was by reading lots of examples posted by writers and agents on their blogs!

The letter should be as unique as the book it's pitching, and I've also realized it will need to be rewritten for each individual addressee. It all depends on the tone of the agent's website or profile--you have to find a way to make it personal, because nothing is worse than a generic letter.

Who knows? Maybe I'll post again in a few weeks and say, "this is the query letter that landed me an agent!" Or maybe I'll post in a few months and say, "here is the thirty-seventh revision of my query letter!" Time will tell!

Dear Ms. xxx,

My eyes lit up when I read on the xxx website that you are looking for voice-driven realistic fiction and a young middle-grade series! I hope you will be interested in my adventurous young adult novel, ROSALYN'S GRAVE.

Accompanied by three of her least-favorite people, her aloof French-Canadian grandfather Serge, his annoyingly perfect daughter Michelle, and Pearl’s mysterious companion Sayani, Rosalyn braves the harsh terrain of the Inca Trail in search of a hidden cave. Confronted with betrayal, secrets, and ultimately her own grave, she discovers there’s more to growing up than keeping pace with your peers, and there’s more to Rosalyn Boatwright than she ever suspected.

I wrote ROSALYN'S GRAVE for voracious young readers: the ones stashing books under their pillows to read with a flashlight after lights out, hoping to meet a character they can relate to, cheer for, and essentially grow up with. This full-length novel (complete at 96,000 words) explores an adolescent girl's relationship with her father and with herself, and the pernicious consequences of cowardice.

I studied creative writing at the University of Wisconsin and at the Gotham Writers’ Workshop, and have published several articles in a local newspaper (The Williamsburg Greenpoint News and Arts). ROSALYN’S GRAVE was written with a view to become the first of a series. The first ten pages and a synopsis are included in the body of this e-mail.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my submission.

Prize, Part 2

2010-03-11T16:46:00.004-05:00

So remember back in December '09 when I thought it was hilarious that I won a Nexxus sweepstakes on the same day that I cut all my hair off?

There was a second part to that prize, which was a "shopping tour" with a Harper's Bazaar personal stylist. When I entered to win, and even after, I didn't really know what that meant. The girl who called me to notify me had mentioned a stylist getting in touch with me at some point to set this up, but weeks went by and I sort of forgot about it.

Then in January I got an e-mail from another HB employee, and here we are in March and my shopping tour is happening tomorrow!

Click on the hotlink to visit the official Harper's Bazaar Personal Stylist website.

So, there is no spending money other than my own, but people actually pay a lot of money to have one of these tours set up so I'm excited to experience a whole new way to shop. From what I understand so far, we meet up and then a stylist will take me from store to store and (I expect) tell me what looks good or what doesn't, etc.

I had to fill out a pretty long questionnaire about my "personal style," body type (including strong and weak points!), the kinds of stores I tend to buy clothes at, and what gaps in my wardrobe I'm looking to fill.

Honestly, just taking an hour to really answer the questions and put it in writing was very illuminating! I'd never actually organized my thoughts on the subject of style before, and it was harder than I thought. (Maybe this is the universe telling me to stop dressing like a teenage boy?)

I don't have a huge budget for new clothes right now, but I do need some shorts (the only ones that fit me are cutoffs) and maybe a shirt or two that isn't a black tank top.

It's weird, because this is a prize that I won, it's free, and I've been told there are no expectations for me to buy anything. But I'm nervous! I feel like I'll disappoint the stylist with how un-stylish I am. The fact that this service normally costs $700 for four hours of shopping (which does not include any purchases) makes me feel like a poor, badly-dressed bumpkin (and believe me, it's easy to feel that way in New York anyway!).

I'll just keep it real, try to keep my mind open, and see what happens! And of course I'll let you know how it goes...

Crazy Lazy

2010-03-09T20:46:00.002-05:00

I wonder if this landlord is looking for crazy tenants or just giving people a heads up...

And now, the lazy:

You throw a dirty towel at the hamper in the corner of your bedroom, but you miss and it falls to the floor about a foot short. For three days you don't bother to pick it up and put it in the hamper, even though you stand directly over it when opening your dresser drawers. Instead, you start tossing your dirty clothes near it. Now there's a pile. Then the cat decides to make a nest in your dirty laundry, so now it's all covered in cat hair.

Glamorous!

I'm hoping that the lack of response from the woman I sent my manuscript to is a good sign. Time will tell!

I'm cleaning up my 2009 Three-Day Novel entry. Instead of whining that I didn't win, I'm going to try to publish it, though the length is tricky. It's at 34,000 words after one edit, which is no man's land for written works. Too long to be a short story, not really long enough to be a novel (as defined by the publishing industry).

So I'm just going to make it the best it can be and see what happens!

And remember, it's better to be crazy than lazy. You can quote me on that.

Good stuff

2010-02-19T11:44:00.002-05:00

Was in a music store in the East Village with my friends from Chicago when I saw this treasure :) They're both musicians and knew what it was--I think it's a pedal for use with an electric guitar but don't quote me on that. You can quote me on "Big Muff" however ;)

Perfecting the Pitch

2010-02-16T19:04:00.004-05:00

I've written a new version of the pitch for my book, and today I sent it (as part of a query letter) to a woman who works in publishing. Dumpling, my champion, is a natural networker and when he learned that one of the regulars at his restaurant worked in book publishing he was quick to sing my praises and see if there was a chance she'd be interested.

Well she was, and he passed me her e-mail address, though it took a good three weeks before I was brave enough to send her a letter and sample pages. Whether or not anything comes of this, I'm still very grateful for the incentive to finally compose a decent query letter! It's tough, and I did plenty of research (and a lot of rewriting) before I was finally satisfied.

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it." ---Margaret Fuller

A great source of information on how to "sell" your book is reading the blogs of literary agents. There are a ton of them out there, so you can even find an agent who specializes in one type of writing, or one that has a perspective or writing style that appeals to you.

So far my favorite one is called Pub Rants, and I encourage all writers who want agents to check it out. I like it because it's informative and her tone is humorous without being snarky. Or maybe I just like her because she's from the Midwest, like I am.

I also came across a wonderful essay about the process of writing query letters. It's on the website of a literary agency called Folio, and you can go straight to the essay here.

It feels good to have a query "out there." Even getting rejected is kind of exciting, because it means you've just narrowed the field a bit more. I am trying to just do what I can each day and not worry too far ahead--otherwise I will get sick of this book and start feeling impatient to "just publish the damn thing already" so I can focus on a new project. I had an art teacher in college who used to say, "You've gotta put more love into it" when remarking on his students' efforts. I am trying to put lots of love into Rosalyn and her story!

Here is my new and improved pitch, for anyone who's curious:

Eleven-year-old Rosalyn Boatwright is barely surviving the sixth grade: she’s awkward and unpopular at school, her single father seems oblivious to the fact that she’s growing up; and in just two days she manages to injure herself while trespassing, get kicked out of health class, and cry at a slumber party. A visit to her grandmother, the renowned adventurer Pearl Key, sounds like a much-needed escape—until she learns that not only is Pearl nightmarishly ill, but Rosalyn is the only one who can lift the deadly curse. Accompanied by three of her least-favorite people, her aloof French-Canadian grandfather, his annoyingly perfect daughter, and Pearl’s mysterious companion Sayani, Rosalyn braves the harsh terrain of the Inca Trail and beyond in search of the hidden cave where the curse began. Confronted with betrayal, secrets, and ultimately her own grave, Rosalyn discovers there’s more to growing up than keeping pace with your peers, and there’s more to Rosalyn Boatwright than she ever suspected.

Wish me luck!

I have houseguests coming tomorrow--my college roommate and her husband. Today may be Mardis Gras, but the next three days and nights are when the real debauchery will go down ;)

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Happy Chinese Valentine's New Year Day!

2010-02-14T09:08:00.009-05:00

I've put together a little photo montage for Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year. Both holidays are traditionally "red"-themed, which is cool. If you are a kid growing up with Chinese traditions, you get a red envelope with money in it on New Year's Day. Wouldn't that make a nice Valentine? ;)

This door I spotted in Chinatown caught my eye because of the bright orange--and then I noticed the heart. Nice!

This is on the sidewalk on my walk to the subway. I'm trying to think of a superstitious rhyme for it. "Step on a heart, you're the next to fart" "Step on a heart, your life will fall apart" "Step on a heart, good luck will start" <---that's the one!

Hey, speaking of rhymes, I'm writing song lyrics now. I have no idea whether they will work with the music my friend is writing, but I'm having a lot of fun. So far my favorite one that I've written is titled "A Whore With More". Sorry, Mom!

This is on a low wall surrounding a sitting area near a park in the Lower East Side. It's the Year of the Tiger! Check out your Chinese horoscope here.

A scene from a ginormous robot mural painted on a bagel store nearby. Robot love!

His and Hers

2010-02-12T11:38:00.003-05:00

I wonder if this packaging was created with Valentine's Day in mind...look at the happy couple in their long johns! This could be you!

Let's get a close-up of that guy's face:

Oh, yeah. He wants to squeeze the Charmin.

Creepy!

The best part is how neither of them is wearing the shirt that's inside the package. Oh, 99-cent shop, may you never cease to delight me!

Snow, white

2010-02-10T12:11:00.008-05:00

[current view from my apartment]

Growing up in northern Minnesota, snow days were these magical, spontaneous holidays guaranteed to pop up at least a half a dozen times each winter. I remember cold, dark mornings spent listening to the radio in the kitchen, waiting to hear if my school would be read in the list of closings. It was like Christmas all over again when my wish came true.

Some things never change!

My boss (from dog-walking) called this morning and said it was basically "up to me" if I wanted to go walk dogs today. Hmm, would I like to face 30 mph winds, heavy snowfall, and lakes of slush, or have a day of writing, eating, and watching Mad Men with a fat cat on my lap? This is exactly why the term "no-brainer" was invented.

I recently finished the first "big edit" of my manuscript. It's back up to 98,762 words, but I think I'll be doing more cutting in the second round. I feel much better about the book now, having gone through it with a critical eye. The first draft is such a mystical, messy experience for me, and it's hard to tell what the damn thing is about, even when it's done. It's a patchwork of emotions, descriptions, and dialogue--and a prayer that some threads of continuity are holding it together.

In between the first and second edit I worked on my "pitch," which is akin to the blurb on the back cover. It's the meat of the query letter I'll send to agents, and ideally it will hook the reader and want to make her read the book (or at least the first few pages). Here's what I have so far:

Rosalyn Boatwright is convinced she has it worse than any other eleven-year-old: she’s awkward and unpopular at school, her single father seems oblivious to the fact that she’s growing up; and to top it all off she cuts class, cries at a slumber party, and badly injures herself while trespassing. After a week like that, even an obligatory visit to her aloof, adventurous grandmother sounds appealing—anything to get away from the disaster of her life. But things quickly go from bad to worse when she learns that not only is her grandmother nightmarishly ill from a deadly curse—but she, Rosalyn, is the only one who can lift it by tracking down a hidden cave in the Andes mountains. Suddenly, surviving the sixth grade is put into perspective when she’s forced to face her biggest fears, with only her heart and her grandmother’s old journal to guide her.

When writing this young adult novel, I didn't draw on my experiences growing up so much as the feelings of growing up. I was a chubby bookworm and tomboy until about age fifteen, and then I was a skinny bookworm and tomboy. Frankly, not a whole hell of a lot has changed since then except for some tattoos, travels and a husband.

One summer when I was about Rosalyn's age I was in California with my mom and little brother visiting my aunt and uncle. We went to San Diego for the day and visted the zoo, had lunch, and toured the harbor area. I was wearing white jean shorts, a baggy t-shirt, and a headband. At some point during the day I sat on a park bench without looking and melted a square of chocolate with my ass. My mom and her sister noticed it, but decided not to tell me until the end of the day when we got into my aunt's minivan and they made me sit on a magazine so I wouldn't get chocolate on the upholstery.

They told me it had been a hard decision, but they'd kept me in the dark so I wouldn't feel self-conscious and upset for the rest of the day. I understood their reasoning, and though I was shocked and angry at the deception, a part of me was grateful that I'd been spared the embarrassment until the day was over. During the ride home I replayed the entire day in my mind, feeling retroactively humiliated for all the places I'd displayed my big white bottom with a big brown stain on one cheek.

You'd think I would have steered clear of wearing white after that, but no:

I was seventeen when my mom remarried. It was in November and I had a sectional swim meet on the day of the wedding. Selfishly (hey, I was seventeen) I insisted on driving myself to the pool after the ceremony, swimming my events, and then showing up late and with wet hair at the reception. It was a busy, stressful day for me, and I was feeling even more awkward and unattractive than usual.

For some reason I had picked out this horrible "faux dress" to wear. It was a short-sleeved, boxy, brocaded white top attached to a flowing, gauzy pair of white pants that looked like a long skirt when I stood still. And not only did I wear white to someone else's wedding, I wore big, bright turquoise panties underneath.

My aunt Cindy kindly pulled me aside at one point and said, "You know dear, it might be a good idea to invest in a pair of skin-colored underwear." She really did say it as discreetly as possible, and it was definitely something I needed to hear, but there was nothing I could do about it at the time. It was a long night.

I haven't worn white below the waist since. Nope, not even on my own wedding day. Nevertheless, half my underwear is now beige. Sexy, I know.

The snow's still falling, and Rosalyn's waiting for me to put the finishing touches on her adventures in tween angst. I think she's in good hands.

Unintentional innuendo

2010-02-07T12:38:00.004-05:00

I'm always amazed at what gets printed on products. Didn't anyone at the Kontos pita company snicker when they read this? I mean, it just sounds like something from an 'adult film' set...

Director: Is Dirk Diggler ready? I want to wrap up this scene before lunch!
Fluffer: Yes, sir, hand stretched for fluffiness!
Director: Action!

Feel it!

2010-02-02T11:15:00.010-05:00

Happy February! Happy Groundhog Day! Jackie Chan says, "Feel it!"

You know how sometimes it's the things that are closest to you, that you see most often, that you don't really see at all?

This amazingly horrible fast food restaurant is less than two blocks from my home. I see it every single day, and didn't realize how awesome their signage was until recently. (That's "Gyro" in the middle window--it's hard to read with the reflection.) I think more businesses should adopt this slogan.

Starbucks: "We Ain't Just Coffee"
Barnes & Noble: "We Ain't Just Books"
Apple: "We Ain't Just Computers" (I heard they recently branched out into feminine hygiene)

Speaking of fried chicken (and things that ain't fried chicken), how do you say "chicken and biscuits" in Chinese?

I don't know how to say it, but I know what it looks like! I was delighted to spot a Popeye's in Chinatown yesterday.

Speaking of Chinatown, I also found an awning with not one, not two, but three spelling errors in it! A new record!

The third error is "Nooddle Soup" which is a little hard to read in this small photograph.

If you believe a rodent can predict the weather, we're in for six more weeks of winter. Dammit.

I experienced an unexpected drop in my "official" workload this week--two dogs were taken off of my route suddenly (one temporarily, one for good), and I've been granted a short sabbatical from newspaper writing until my employer can afford to pay me. I've decided to look at it as a gift of time, and I'm going to finish editing my manuscript by Friday. Only 42 pages (out of 327) to go!

It's cold and dreary, but February has some treats in store for us: the superbowl is coming up next weekend (the Saints can suck a fat one, those cheaters!) and then Valentine's Day and Chinese New Year happen at the same time! There's excitement in the air. Can you feel it?

Butts here thanks

2010-01-29T08:46:00.003-05:00

Let us do it all for you ... receiving in rear.

So apparently I have the sense of humor of a middle-school boy. But it's so funny!

Happy Friday!

A Spoonful of Sugar

2010-01-27T10:34:00.002-05:00

I received the news in my inbox yesterday that once again I am not the winner of the 3-Day Novel Contest. The winner, the two runners up, and the top honorable mention were all Canadians, and it's a Canadian contest (though they had entries from 20 countries this year), so I couldn't help feeling like the odds were somewhat against me since my entry was titled "Mr. America and the Sausage Cult." The winning novel is called 'Snowmen' and it's about a man trying to make a record-breaking trip across the Arctic Circle. Could it be more Canadian?

So I was feeling kind of bitter about it, though I know I'll get over it and do it again next year. Finding this sweet store awning uptown definitely helped:

What a great name for a confectioner's shop! Love it. WORLD OF NUTS. Really sets the imagination whirring!

Now I just need to watch some South Park and sing along to "Blame Canada" and I'll be all set ;)

Breakthrough Novel Award Contest

2010-01-19T20:45:00.004-05:00

So Amazon is having this contest, and this is the first time I've heard about it.

I have mixed feelings. On one hand, the timing is great as I think I can finish editing in time to meet the submission deadline. On the other hand, I don't really like the way voting is handled. They (judges chosen by Amazon/Penguin) narrow it down, but the final winner is voted on by Amazon customers. Also, if you win, you have to accept Penguin's publishing contract as is.

I know that an unpublished author should be happy just to get published, but frankly I'm not sure if I want to submit my manuscript to a popular vote open to anyone with an Internet connection. And who knows? I may just have a true 'breakthrough novel' on my hands, and if so, it would be silly to accept the terms of a publishing contract without the opportunity to consult an agent or someone who has the experience to determine if it's a square deal or not.

Happily I found about it in advance so I can sleep on it* and make up my mind next week. I'll let you know either way! And if I do enter and make it to the final stages, I'll be shamelessly begging for your votes through this very blog :)

You can find all the contest details very easily on Amazon so I won't bother re-typing any of the rules or FAQs here. Good luck to you if you enter!

*In Spanish they have a similar expression that I just love: consultar con la almohada. It literally means 'to consult with the pillow.' Isn't that delightful?

What are 'cancellation shoes'?

2010-01-19T07:56:00.002-05:00

Are they shoes that aren't being made anymore? Or shoes you wear when you have to cancel something?

Keeps your hair dry--like magic!

2010-01-16T17:08:00.002-05:00

This woman looks like she answered a Craiglist ad seeking models, 'no experience required,' and then she got there and found out the job was modeling 99-cent rain bonnets. Damn.

Picking Up Pennies

2010-01-13T22:32:00.003-05:00

I have a policy of always picking up change off of the sidewalk when I see it, as long as it's not in front of a speeding taxi or covered in dog poop or something like that. I put it all (except for the quarters, which are saved for laundry day) in a mug and when it's full I take it to TD Bank and cash in!

Manhattan has more foot traffic, parking meters, and street vendors than most places, and I walk around the city more than most people, so I'm definitely finding more money than the average pedestrian. And it's tax-free income, man!

Today I got just over $9, which is an average haul for a month. I think once I had $12 and once it was only $8. Walking around today I found a quarter, six pennies, and a franc! Francs look just like quarters from a distance. Last month I found a Haitian dollar coin, which is also the size of a quarter, but gold. Last week I found pink and purple Chinese paper money in the park and got all excited until Dumpling told me it was only worth 50 cents (it still looks cool though!). My all-time record is 92 cents found in one day.

So today I decided, "Hey--you can't feel all fantastic about these pennies and dimes and stuff adding up and still get down on yourself because your damn book's not done yet."

All I had time for this morning was editing about three paragraphs. And I was feeling pretty lousy about it until my little "ooh boy I'm nine dollars richer" epiphany.

The only thing that matters is finding a way to make your writing habit an enjoyable, exciting, and satisfying part of your day. And I haven't been able to get to the 'satisfying' part yet because I always berate myself for not writing more.

I think part of the problem is reading interviews with newly successful authors where they say stuff like, "Oh, when I was working on that book I got up every day at four in the morning and wrote for three hours, and then I made breakfast for my twin toddlers and husband, and then I went to my full-time job as a lawyer, then I had Pilates class, made dinner and put the kids to bed, and then wrote until midnight. That's what you have to do if you want to write a book! It takes dedication! You have to carve the time out of your day!"

I mean, yeah, I'm sure that method works. And yes, when I write for more than an hour at a time it is really nice and much more productive. But before that can happen I've got to stop disparaging the small but regular writing habits I do have. After all, your flowers won't bloom if you keep pissing on the garden! (You can quote me on that).

Pennies and nickels; words and paragraphs; they all add up!

Mission Accomplished!

2010-01-12T22:51:00.010-05:00

Philadelphia was all that I hoped and more! We took so many pictures, but I won't bore you with too many. Just a few good ones, and then I'll share my thoughts on the trip in a different post. I highly recommend Philly and the Rocky Run to everyone!

The Rocky Statue! Yes!

Ready to begin my run up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art!

I did it! Singing the Rocky theme song and punching the air!

I had no idea Rocky's footprints were at the top! Very cool!

Dumpling did the run, too!

A cool mural we drove by.

And at the end of the day, walking back to the car, we found a bra just lying there on the sidewalk (it's not mine)!

We also saw the Liberty Bell, visited the most famous cheesesteak sandwich place (Pat's) where Dumpling chowed down and I made faces, asked locals for directions several times (they were nice!) and generally just enjoyed a day trip together away from New York and work.

In the morning before we left we watched Rocky, and then when we got back we watched Rocky II. It is so much fun being a geek sometimes!

Celebrate It!

2010-01-11T08:52:00.006-05:00

I'm a bit late with the inspirational Jackie Chan calendar message, but the timing is actually perfect! I have the day off from work today, and Dumpling and I are taking a road trip to Philadelphia! His sister's in Taiwan for a couple of weeks and we have the use of her car until she gets back.

I'm going to run up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art, which (of course) is where Rocky runs in the movie! Apparently this is a very popular thing for tourists and Rocky fans to do, so maybe I'll have some company. I have ALWAYS wanted to do this, so I'm very excited, and it also feels great to be doing it at the beginning of a new year.

And this is within two weeks of going polar bear swimming! I've been taking that plunge almost every year since I was sixteen (there was nowhere to do it when I was living in Madrid so I skipped it that year).

Back in Wisconsin people gather on Bradford Beach in Milwaukee and jump into Lake Michigan at noon on New Year's Day. Here in New York it's Coney Island Beach in Brooklyn, at 1pm. The Atlantic is a lot warmer than Lake Michigan (though it's still plenty cold) and it's a pretty crowded affair. Bonus: I swear it obliterated like 75% of my hangover instantly!

Things do come in threes, so I'm curious to find out what the third event will turn out to be...

I'll leave you with this clip, because it's a fantastic way to start your day, and your week! You can't not get pumped up!

The Dog Days of December

2010-01-07T21:15:00.003-05:00

My Christmas was so bad that not even National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation could make me laugh. And the fact that I had access to edited-for television Christmas movies on cable was the highlight of my holiday. How sad is that?

It was my own fault of course, for not listening to my intuition when I was offered a certain dog-sitting job that included Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I heard a very definite "No way" resound in my mind as I read about the situation on offer. But I was upset that Dumpling had to work both of those days at the restaurant, and so I childishly acted out and took it.

I think my logic went something like: Dumpling has to work through the holidays, I'm going to be alone and sad, so why don't I work too, and make it even worse? That'll show him!

Well, it showed him that his wife is crazy.

The job was caring for two dogs (a dalmation and a pit bull) and five cats for three days and two nights in a one-bedroom apartment. All the animals had been rescued from the street or from shelters. The owner (who shall remain nameless and genderless for privacy reasons) worked from home for an animal rights group, and apparently gave the animals a level of attention that cannot be achieved by anyone else.

I had already agreed to cat-sit in the same neighborhood for five days (which consisted of two daily visits to feed, water, and clean up after five cats) so I thought that at least staying up there would save some subway time and make things easier. Oh how very, very wrong I was.

Fortunately there's always the old humor equation Tragedy + Time = Comedy to put things into perspective. Please join me in laughing at what I now like to call the Christmas of the Mad Menagerie.

The apartment was one of those places where if you visit for five minutes it doesn't seem that bad. But once you're there on your own (with seven animals) you start to see it for real. All the furniture had layers upon layers of various types of stains, the windowsills and windows were grimy, hairy, and dusty, and there was junk stuffed packrat-style into every closet, under the bed, and into every drawer and cupboard. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

Speaking of crawling, there were no fewer than four breeds of cockroach living there: the big, greasy orange ones (what I like to call the "New York Standard"), the dark brown round ones, the black fast ones, and--I shit you not--albino cockroaches. Yes, they exist. I squealed like a little girl and did a freak-out dance in the kitchen when I saw my first one.

All five cats were fed on the kitchen counter twice a day, but they'd all eat at different times, which means there was a constant supply of wet and dry cat food for the roaches to feast upon. One of the cats (a real sweetheart, and I don't mean to disparage her) was too old to jump on the counter, so she had to be lifted up several times a day to eat and drink.

Another cat some bizarre skin disease so it had raw, scaly patches all over (he was found in a parking lot in that condition, and four thousand dollars of tests later, the vets still don't know exactly what's wrong with him) and he also used the shower as his toilet each and every time, which meant that the entire apartment smelled like cat shit every time he did his business, and I'd have to grab the bottle of bleach and paper towels and go clean it up.

Two of cats were recently adopted, spooked, and hid under the bed until nighttime when they'd come out, eat, and then run around making a ruckus and getting the dogs excited when they were supposed to be sleeping.

The fifth cat was pretty normal, but I hardly had time to notice, sadly. We could have commiserated.

The Dalmation was fine indoors, but a real bulldozer on the leash. She had black rings around her eyes that looked like Cleopatra-style eyeliner, and she'd give me these really intense looks sometimes as if to say, "You have no flipping idea what you're doing here, do you?"

The pit bull was a very sweet dog, but it was like trying to care for a three-year-old toddler in a pit bull's body. He liked baby talk, sitting on my lap, and barking at noises outside the window or in the hallway (I'm sure I don't have to tell you that in New York, there are always noises outside or in the hall). His owner liked to encourage him to jump up, which meant that I spent a lot of time telling him not to jump on me.

I had been told that most of the animals would be sleeping on the bed. Fine. My cat sleeps on the bed. I get it. What I wasn't told was that the pit bull and the scaly cat liked to sleep under the covers. Touching me.

Not cool!

So the first night there I got in bed, read for a bit, started to settle in, realized what was going on when the dog and cat happily writhed and wormed their way under the covers, and muttered, "You've got to be kidding me." I waited for the animals to doze off, then crept to the couch, which was uncomfortable but bearable. The pit bull got up and checked on me a couple of times, and one of the cats joined me, but I made it through the night.

The second night, the pitty was wise to my tricks. When I moved to the couch he followed me and sat there whining and chiding me with half-barking noises until finally I got up, my nerves shattered from exhaustion and discomfort, and returned to the bed. After calling Dumpling for some sympathy, I curled up as small as I could in one corner and tried to think of all the awful and uncomfortable places I've bunked in over the years. I haven't decided yet if this was the worst, but it's up there.

The dogs got walked four times a day, and all the animals were fed twice a day. In addition, I made two daily trips to another apartment to feed and clean up after the other five cats. And I'll never again complain about taking care of my own sweet cat (singular).

But I survived! And the experience actually served as a catalyst for a major apartment-cleaning project that Dumpling and I have undertaken in the New Year. (All right, I've undertaken it, but Dumpling is playing along.) When I was at the Mad Menagerie's pen I kept saying to myself: "How can people live like this?!"

And I decided that I never would.

So, yeah, that was my Christmas. Alone in a filthy apartment full of neurotic animals and roaches, watching the Griswolds and weeping silent, pitiful tears because I couldn't believe what a bone-headed decision I'd made. Live and learn, right?

And the moral of the story is: always listen to your intuition.

Always, always, always.

Me and Jude Law

2010-01-05T20:16:00.007-05:00

I know, I know. My inner English teacher is screaming, "It's Jude Law and I, you moron!" But in this case, it just sounds better the wrong way.

So I'm flipping through the September '09 issue of Vogue (I keep back issues to use for collage-making) and I see this picture of Jude Law:

And I'm like: hm, that looks kind of familiar...

There's a resemblance, right? Dumpling saw one, though it may have been just the glower that looked familiar...

I do have a post with more substance in draft form at the moment. The holidays were actually busier than ever for me. I was dog-sitting, cat-sitting, and I had a friend from Australia in town and he stayed with us a couple nights and we did some sight-seeing, plenty of drinking, and it all went by too quickly.

Oh, and I saw Avatar! You must see it!

So, you go see Avatar, and I'll finish up that other blog post, and we'll meet back here. Deal?

Quick shots

2009-12-28T10:42:00.007-05:00

Kind of hard to read, but the sign says "Nails & Pleasure". Nail salon on the Upper East Side where I was pet-sitting over the holidays.

The sky over my neighborhood yesterday morning. We had a high of 48 degrees. Tomorrow the high will be 27 degrees. Eight days ago we had a blizzard and heaps of snow. Now it's all gone! The weather has been incredibly changeable lately. The day before I took this picture it rained all day and all night.

My friend Jamie from Australia was in town visiting and just flew out (to Sao Paulo) this morning. He stayed with another friend in NJ for a few days and then he stayed at our place in Brooklyn. We did a lot of touristy stuff together. He didn't have a working cell phone so we met up at Times Square where I took this picture (around 6pm). I love when friends and family from out of town visit because it forces me to get out of my routine and see all the gorgeous sights of my amazing city!

Happy, happy

2009-12-18T09:20:00.004-05:00

I'm going to try a new thing: writing a happy, inspirational, hilarious, or otherwise mood-lifting post for each Friday.

I remember watching Bob Ross's TV show "The Joy of Painting" when I was little. I loved that show, even though I didn't (and still don't) have an interest in painting. But of course that's why his show was so popular: because he spoke to everyone, not just painters.

I came across a wonderful quote from him today...

"We don't make mistakes here, we just have happy accidents. We want happy, happy paintings. If you want sad things, watch the news. Everything is possible here. This is your little universe."

Happy Friday!

P.S. Can't wait till next Friday? Check out the Joy Frequencies blog and Twitter feed!

Wait, what kind of finger?

2009-12-17T22:02:00.006-05:00

"As seen at the North Avenue Cold Stone Creamery in Chicago..."

This amazing photo comes to us courtesy of A, my friend in Chicago. She is a member of SHAPERS, and I wrote about their album "Little, Big" before. It's coming out this winter btw! You can listen to three tracks on the SHAPERS website and stay posted on their happenings!

Thank you, my friend, for the best laugh I've had all week!

The Nabe at Night

2009-12-15T09:35:00.006-05:00

In honor of the rapidly-approaching darkest day of the year, I'd like to share three pictures of my neighborhood taken in the waning or absence of daylight.

I had just gotten out of the subway (coming home after work) when I took this one. Lovely day/night transition moment.

Christmas in Brooklyn: trees and wreaths for sale on the sidewalk outside a church.

This art installation just went up in the park. Not sure if there will be more or if this is it. Very cool-looking from far away too.

One Week Later

2009-12-10T17:37:00.010-05:00

It's been one week since I had all my hair cut off! I'm loving it now, but I won't lie: there was no small amount of shock and a moderate adjustment period. I've had it short before, but not this short (please excuse my haggard face as I took this just now when I got home from work, while waiting for the rice to cook):

And yes, that is Elle magazine over there. Love it.

...and here's the view from the top. What Dumpling sees! (He's quite tall.) It's fun because my hair is really thick so I can make it spike up into a kind of faux-hawk down the middle, or smooth it all down, or ruffle it all up. Good times.

You can see a before picture in my Halloween post, though I'm wearing a headband you get the idea.

Last Thursday I had it cut in the morning before I walked dogs, which was convenient for me but kind of annoying because I had lots of tiny little hairs all over my face and neck for the rest of the day.

Right after I left the salon I found a reflective window outside and put my earrings back in and really had a look at my head. My first thought was that my head is not as big as I thought it was (my thick hair created the illusion of a larger head)!

Then I started to feel really ugly, unfeminine, and repentant. I knew it'd pass and that I'd get used to it, but I made a beeline for the Sephora over on Broadway and put on some powder, eyeshadow, a little blush. I don't normally wear any makeup on a day to day basis, so it helped me feel less butch. Seems silly now that I've been walking around barefaced ever since, but it was a quick pick-me-up during the "oh my god what did I just do to myself" phase :)

Another thing that helped me get used to it was the fact that the dogs did not give a shit what my hair looked like, and were just as enthusiastic and lovely as ever. Animals are great. And believe it or not, Dumpling has spontaneously professed his liking for my new 'do on several occasions (or maybe he just likes the fact that I've stopped complaining about how sick I am of my hair and how badly I want to cut it off!)

Since I made the chop it's made me think, and I realized that subconsciously I may have done it as a way of facing fears. You know, usually very short hair (or baldness/shaved head) on women makes us think of certain things: chemo, concentration camps, or losing your shit à la Britney Spears. Not very pleasant associations. But now I feel sort of 'immune' to the fear of losing my hair for any reason. Or to put it another way, if I ever have a traumatic/stressful situation that results in me losing my hair, I won't have the shock of seeing myself without long hair for the first time added on top of that experience.

Plus my curiosity of what I would look like is finally satisfied, and that is priceless!

I'm not trying to convince anyone to go super short if you don't want to--but if you've been toying with the idea and keep coming back to it, just give it a shot! You have nothing to lose but your fear--and some weight off your scalp! Seriously, it feels great!

Lower East Side Pictures

2009-12-07T22:49:00.011-05:00

The more I walk around this neighborhood, the more I like it. Here are a few recent photos, with captions:

This is a playground I have always admired for its bright rainbow coloring! Finally today it was cold enough that nobody was using it and I could take a picture. I feel like parents would look at me accusingly if I took a picture of the playground while their children were on it, and I really can't blame them for being protective.

This is a view of the East River from Corlears Hook Park. I walk this dog there every day and today we saw this massive ship being helped downriver by a tugboat. There is part of the stage blocking it but you can still tell how big it is. I probably could have gotten a better shot but I was holding a golden lab's leash in my other hand and she really wanted to go sniff something.

I don't know what this means but I love this graffiti.

P.S. I Love You

2009-12-06T19:58:00.004-05:00

This is a very touching and well-done romantic comedy from 2007 starring Hillary Swank and Gerard Butler.

Attention ladies: this is worth watching for the Irish beefcakes alone. homina homina homina...

For me, the best part (aside from the aforementioned gorgeousness of the two Irish fellows Ms. Swank gets to roll in the hay with) was the dialogue, which was very honest, unexpected, and often hilarious.

Just one gripe: the main character is unemployed for most of the film, and lives in a hu-u-uge apartment in Manhattan which she continually complains is way too small. Pfffff.

Be forewarned: if you watch this you will laugh and cry and laugh and cry, so you may as well just remove your mascara before you even press 'play.'

Check it out on Netflix, IMDb, Amazon

Moment of Zen

2009-12-04T18:05:00.002-05:00

There is this park down in the Lower East Side near Chinatown and I like to stop by there for a quick rest between or before dog walks.

Often I see people doing Tai Chi and I like to watch--it's very peaceful. Also there's this older guy who walks with a cane and sometimes circles the playground singing slow songs in Chinese. All he needs is a someone following him with a gong.

The other day I saw these two men practicing ballroom dancing so I took a video (it's just 43 seconds). Later the shorter guy took off but the other guy stayed and kept on dancing by himself for a long time.

To quote Jon Stewart, "Here it is: your moment of Zen."

Isn't it Ironic?

2009-12-03T16:54:00.005-05:00

On the same day that I cut all my hair off (today), I won a sweepstakes sponsored by a hair product company (Nexxus).

Well I had been wanting to get a super short haircut for a while, and there is this quote by William Blake that I really try to live by:

"Sooner strangle an infant in its cradle than nurse unacted desire."

So the other day I was walking one of my dogs in the LES (Lower East Side, for non-New Yorkers) and I walked by this place called Crops for Girls. And then I found out that if you let the guy who owns and operates it (Michael) do whatever short haircut he wants, it's free! Since I was broke and wanting a haircut, this seemed like a pretty good idea and so I did it! And it really was totally free though I did tip him of course, being a 'service industry' person myself.

And then later at home I got a phone call from an unknown 212 number. I answered and this girl named Paige from Harper's Bazaar was on the line. My heart just about stopped because I applied for a job there, and at every other magazine I subscribe to, (which is about 8 or 9 now I think) but it wasn't a call for an interview it was to let me know that I won the Nexxus Sweepstakes which you can read about here:

Harper's Bazaar Nexxus Sweepstakes

Well, all those free hair products I'm getting are sure going to go a long ways since I have about a half inch of hair on my head!!! hahaha I love it. The rest of the prize package is kind of vague--I'm not sure if I get any other free stuff or just a "shopping tour" with their 2 stylists but I'm sure it'll be a really fun experience no matter what.

So yeah, kind of a big day! And it was like 65 degrees out--one of those days when you're thrilled to be a dog walker :)

Experience It!

2009-12-01T20:40:00.005-05:00

These words of wisdom come to you from a Jackie Chan calendar produced by the Hong Kong Tourism Board in 2004. One of my former coworkers was cleaning off his desk and found it--he knew I was a big Jackie Chan fan and gave it to me!

It's my third week of dog walking and I've finally figured out how to deal with my new schedule. I've discovered that it's mandatory to lie down and take a one-hour nap as soon as I get home. Even if I sleep enough at night and eat enough during the day, I am just so wiped from 5+ hours of walking that I need to get some serious physical rest before I do other stuff.

At first I tried to run errands, do yoga, cook, write, etc immediately after finishing work. But I learned (a few times) that I would run out of steam pretty quick and wind up with a glass of red wine watching old movies and not getting anything done. Like blogging!

But I think I've got it figured out now, and also I just got back from a 5-day trip to Wisconsin to be with my family for Thanksgiving. I have a lot of material :) I only wish I had taken more pictures! Like this one:

This gas station/general store is owned & operated by a grandfather, father, and son. This is where my parents buy 50-pound bags of thistle and bird seeds for their two dozen bird feeders. Also they buy truly cage-free eggs here. That is one huge plus about living in the Midwest (especially out in the sticks where my parents are) is that you can get fresh eggs from happy chickens just about everywhere because everyone knows someone who has chickens.

And of course the eggs are awesome-tasting and come in all different shapes and sizes and colors, which is just so damn natural-looking and reassuring!

That is one of my parents' cockatiels, Jill. The other one is Jack. They got him first and named him Jack after Captain Jack Sparrow (they are both in the bird family I guess). Jill is younger and kind of bratty sometimes (she will pull the cribbage pegs out while you are trying to play) but when I opened the egg carton to take a picture she hopped on and nuzzled all the eggs. It was very cute.

New job, and no, I do not speak Russian

2009-11-17T18:00:00.004-05:00

Today was my second day as a dog-walker. Already I have so much to say about it but I'm sure I'll say it all better after I get more experience. For now I'll just tell you that my legs are super tired! And yes, my dogs are barking. But I won't use that pun ever again. I promise.

Whew. I mean, I'm in shape! I really am. But all the walking and stairs are killer--subway stairs and apartment stairs. Plus one of the dogs that I walk twice a day is a 4-month-old black lab puppy, aka fur-covered energy spazz rocket. And he likes to eat rocks, so I'm digging pebbles out of his mouth half the time. Good thing I'm not the manicure type!

One great thing about this job is that I'm face-to-face with New York in a way I never have been before. I have a quick refuge when I'm picking up a dog or bringing him back inside, but other than that it's just me and the sidewalks and all the weirdos.

Today this woman in the subway would NOT STOP speaking to me in Russian! She was asking me for directions, I got that much. But I don't think I look particularly Russian, and I have no idea why she singled me out.

Woman: wendzdr zhisou proule vradni--fifteenth street--zinzleshe? (pointing at subway signage overhead)

Me: I'm sorry, I don't understand. But this train does stop at fourteenth street.

Woman: lerveniyek zheckourshe swinszhe rukna (enthusiastic hand gestures) przudjsh anzhilndr--Brooklyn?

Me: No, it doesn't go to Brooklyn. It stops at City Hall.

Woman: zrdhj mrkzrk wllfdrzhroughsna soofni reerinzche?

Me: There's a subway map over there...(pointing)

Yeah. She didn't look insane, she just really really thought that I could understand her and it was kind of mystifying. She did find the map though, and I hope she got to where she was going.

Kombucha Diary: Brew Number Two

2009-11-15T17:45:00.002-05:00

FAIL.

I clearly suck at this.

However, a successful kombucha brew does require a more or less stable temperature, ideally between 75-85 degrees. And that's just not gonna happen in a Brooklyn rental. Some people build a little heated box type of thing, using an aquarium heater. I may or may not feel ambitious enough to do that for the third batch, and I'll certainly let everyone know once I get the hang of this!

If anyone reading this has successfully brewed kombucha at home, I'd love to hear how you got started, and/or any advice!

Indian Summer

2009-11-10T14:16:00.008-05:00

Be careful what you wish for! I said I wanted to be a writer...

I just got 2 new article assignments, I have a freelance transcription job, an essay contest I'm entering (and I'll post my essay whether or not it wins), and, of course, editing my YA manuscript and that little project called NaNoWriMo. And job hunting! My goodness.

Thank you to everyone for reading/commenting/giving support! I'm neglecting the blogosphere right now, but I'll be back. To everything there is a season...

And speaking of seasons, two straight weeks of weather in the mid-50s to mid-60s in November can't be ignored! A short photo tribute to the dulcet days we're enjoying here in North Brooklyn:

Ex-veep at C-town?

2009-11-09T12:44:00.002-05:00

I think I may have found evidence that Dan Quayle is working at the local C-Town grocery store...

Plenty of Fish in the Sea

2009-11-07T10:58:00.003-05:00

I haven't been blogging much this month because I've been busy sending out queries for my completed manuscript, and writing a new draft of a book for NaNoWriMo.

And I have already successfully narrowed the field of literary agents who would like to represent me!

Dear Author:

Thanks so much for letting us take a look at your materials and please forgive us for responding with a form letter. The volume of submissions we receive, however, makes it impossible to correspond with everyone personally.

Unfortunately, the project you describe does not suit our list at this time. We wish you the best of luck in finding an agent and publisher for your work and we thank you, once again, for letting us consider your materials.

Sincerely,

Not the Agent for You

One good thing about having a freezing-cold apartment is that it's given me thicker skin.

Onwards and upwards!